Control Freak

I decided to go to the Dr last Thursday to get some tests done. I didn't have any signs of pregnancy, but since I was only a few days away from my AF from possibly showing, I knew the Dr would be able to tell if I was pregnant already. Well, our efforts in Maui came up empty.
I wasn't devastated because I pretty much knew I wasn't, but loosing that hope was kinda sad.

For those who have ever worked at getting pregnant, its a crazy emotional and mini planning cycle. There is a two week period where you think and hope you're pregnant. You act like you are and make decisions based on the idea that you could be - just in case. So then you get used to the idea that you could be and question everything you feel in your body. I can't tell you how many times I checked to see if my breasts were sore. My husband thought I was wierd.

Anyway, to take a few steps back: I've been feeling tired and on top of that my BBT has been low over the last 6 weeks so I decided to research what all those symptoms could mean. The only thing I could find was that I could have hypothyroidism. So I started to follow some of the recommendations to naturally treat this possible prognosis. Did you know that not all salt is iodized? Well, I learned that I should have that in my diet and went out and bought new salt, ate more protein, etc. When we were in Hawaii, I ate a lot of fish, which was also recommended. Well, my temps never went up.

I didn't take my thermometer to Hawaii because I just wanted to relax. I did use the other ovulation signs to make sure I was ovulating. I've only sporadically checked my BBT since being home to help reduce my preoccupaion with my cycle. But I totally am... even if I'm not checking my temp daily. I can't help it.

With the lingering thoughts in my head that there may be something "off" about me which could mean difficulty getting pregnant, I had to go to the dr and get some of my concerns addressed.
I totally went prepared with my questions and with the idea that I'm probably not pregnant. I got my results online this weekend. The sweet thing is, my thyroid is fine. I had slightly high blood pressure (I think that was because the doc was 35 min late and it was making me mad) and low potassium. As far as the doc could tell, nothing that should be causing me to not get pregnant.

So I have my answers... eat more banana's, broccoli, spinach, avacado and strawberries (but I eat those almost everyday anyway) and relax. Relax, relax, relax.

I think I have asked God for patience more than I have ever prayed for anything in my whole life. I think the conclusion I'm coming to is that I need to be more obedient and leave it in His hands. I keep on asking Him for patience and to let Him take care of this, and then I keep on taking it back to try to control it. I need to "let go and let God".... sigh.... I'm such a control freak