If I knew then, what I knew now...

You know when you’re a young adult, finally, on your own… before you own a home, are married, have kids, etc? And you think you have it all figured out?

And you are adamant about things you would or would never do. For example, you would never buy a fake tree! Nothing can replace the adventure of cutting down your own tree and your house smelling like fresh pine. And you say things like, “I’ll never be like my mom who loses patience with my kids”. Oh and my favorite, “I’m only getting married once!”.

And then… you grow up.

In my early twenties, I thought I had it all figured out. Love, life, career, and that the future was in my hands, AKA: in my control.   There is this sense of pride that hey! I’m successful, I’m engaged, I’ve made something out of my life and I have all these high standards and I’d pass judgment onto others, often onto those that I loved.

I started to get my, “head out of a$&” when, in the middle of Georgetown, Grand Cayman, I hit one of the lowest lows of my life and went through one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced. That was 2006.

2008, I was madly in love, got married to the love of my life, bought a house and was expecting our first child. 1.2.3. I was doing things in the right order. Then we miscarried.

The next few months my trust in God grew as I could no longer trust my body. I couldn’t heal myself faster, and I couldn’t will myself pregnant. I had to wait and have faith in God.

Eventually those prayers were answered and we entered parenthood. I had a great job that now didn’t fit my desire for well balanced work/family life. It took a long time to realize there are more important things than, “being successful”,  making lots of money to afford nice things and being able to go on nice trips – you know those things that really only matter to those FB “Friends” that don’t really know you anyway?

Entering into this new stage in life leaves me feeling really reflective as I’m finding a new identity. Stepping back at work, which is allowing me to make more time at home with my family is a process. My first two weeks in my new position have gone well, but there are little hurdles that come with no longer being the woman in charge. I have to remind myself that all of those trivial things I’m missing out on don’t matter in comparison to the time (quality time!) I get with my family.

I’ve truly had two of the best work weeks I’ve had in years!

And you know what else? This die-hard real tree lover, is in love with her fake Christmas tree! 

The End...

Before you read, please know this is mostly post about breast feeding. There, you’ve been warned ;)

I realized last night that it has now been a week since I last nursed Lake. So I guess that is the end of our special little arrangement. We officially made it 16.5 months. I knew I wanted to do extended breastfeeding (past a year) but wasn’t sure exactly when I wanted to stop, other than knowing I didn’t want to go past October.

I’ve had some bumps in the road with nursing Lake. The most painful was when he had thrush (yeast infection) in his mouth and passed it along to me. That was painful!

Then the biting. Oh boy! I knew his incoming teeth were hurting him, but mommy is not a good teething toy! Then as he got older, holding him at the right angle would cause strain on my neck and shoulders (already a sensitive area for me) and he nursed with such force that it was painful. Lets not forget about the hitting and slapping me and getting frustrated when my supply had dropped.

But even with those little bumps, I loved every minute we had together. My favorite moments were when I was putting him to sleep. Our routine for almost a year was, I’d get off of work, take him upstairs, change his diaper, get his PJs on then nurse him to sleep. It was my down time and my connection time with Lake. I didn’t let Kaydriana fall asleep at the boob because I didn’t want her to be dependent on that being the only way she’d go to sleep, but with Lake, I treasured this little routine of ours. And ultimately, Lake now goes to sleep on his own, so I don’t regret my choices.

Two weeks ago, I was getting to the point where I could go 24-48 hours with nursing him. I felt like I didn’t really get to say good-bye, so I tried to call him over for one last nursing session. He was ignoring me, so I undid my nursing bra strap (which has a distinct sound) and he looked right at me, got the biggest smile on his face and literally squealed in delight as he ran over to me. I’ll never forget his joy!

I ended up feeding him one last time after that when he woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn’t get him to calm down. He was finally soothed and went back to sleep and that was a week ago.

I really think we could go longer, but I wanted to quit for selfish reasons. I want to change my BC, (many birth controls affect your supply) I want to start dieting, and really want to stop wearing those awful nursing bras of mine!

Lake hasn’t tried to nurse the last couple of days, but I do have to be careful when we’re showering because he has latched on to me when I wasn’t prepared! So I’ll have to be mindful of being exposed!

End Breastfeeding Post

Lake is talking and babbling so much right now. He’s added a few words to his vocabulary, but I think only Tim, Elisa, and I can decipher his little language. He now says, “first down!”, “Balloon”, “banana” along with the words he was saying before. He now uses “Mama” and “Dada” more frequently and is really good at signing, “more” and “please” consistently.

Kaydriana is dressing and redressing herself throughout the day. Even if I can manage to get her dressed before I leave for work, she is always in a different outfit when I get home and it generally involves a tutu or a princess dress. Next week, we should be able to get her enrolled into dance class.

As for me, the details have been worked out and my last day as a manager is Saturday, November 30^th. – Side note, looks like I’ll be working a 12.5 hour day that day L

I’ve really received some warm comments and many people saying how proud they are of me for making this transition for my young family. Many successful women have even told me they did something similar in their career and when their kids got older, they focused on their career growth again. My favorite comment came from an 18 year employee who said I was the best manager he has ever had. He’s gone through many managers during his career, so I take this as a very meaningful compliment!

42 days! 

Family Over Money

I’ve been thinking for a while how I wanted to write this blog entry. I realize it’s mostly my closest loved ones who read my blog, and many know of the conflict I’ve been faced with since becoming a mom 3 years and 4 months ago. But for the sake of reflection, clarification, and maybe being able to help someone else out in my situation, I wanted to post this.

I grew up poor. I grew up with more challenges than most kids in America do- from not knowing where I’d be sleeping next week, to not knowing where we were going to get our next meal, not knowing when I’d get shoes without holes in them, or if I was going to be safe from predators… Bottom line, if I was going to be successful in life, I had an uphill battle.

Thankfully, I had a very loving extended family that always came to our/my rescue before things got desolate. I also accepted Jesus as my savior when I was young, so I always had a reason to hope, believe and strive for a better life.

I truly believe God had a plan for me and lead me to the direction that I went in life. After the army rejected me (there went my college plans) and with my family getting evicted from our apartment right after high school graduation, I made the decision to move to California to have an opportunity to develop a relationship with my dad and his family. After 6 weeks, I moved back to WA and was so grateful my Aunt and Uncle gave me a place to stay. Next stop was a job. I had a high school friend that worked at Costco and at the time, they had the highest starting wage, $8!

November 11^th, 1999, I got a seasonal job in the bakery at the Aurora Village Costco in North Seattle. This was the first time in my life that my livelihood depended on my work performance, and I did not disappoint. I was only 1 of 2 people offered a permanent job after seasonal period had ended. Unfortunately, that was in the food court, and I knew I did not want to sling hot dogs for a living! At that time, I had moved in with some friends who worked at the warehouse and they had heard about an opening in the Call Center. Long story short, I got a job as a customer service rep in May of 2000. Before a year had passed, I had been accepted into the Supervisor in Training program and was offered a permanent supervisor position. I thought I was rich! 19 years old making about $40K! Fast forward a couple of years and I got promoted to manager at the age of 24. I’ve now been a manager for about 8 years. I won’t share how much I make a year, but it’s more than most people I know.

Since I was 18, I was recognized/rewarded for my hard work, dedication, and leadership abilities. I was so proud of my accomplishments. I have allowed myself to be defined by my job title. Actually, not just allowed, insisted that people understood how important I was and what I had accomplished.

When I became pregnant with Kaydriana, so many people asked if I would quit to stay home with her. I guffawed! There was no way I was quitting! I was going to be a successful working mom. I had always wanted to become a parent, but I was “big boss lady” at work, and there wasn’t anything that was going to change that.

Then she came. She changed my world! The first moment she laid on my chest and I just cried with joy. I was a mom. I wasn’t “big boss lady, Kristiana”. I was “mom”. Over the next 3.5 months, I tried to figure out if there was any way that I could possibly stay home and be with her forever. Unfortunately, short of winning the lottery that wasn’t a possibility.

I entered the world of going to work each day, leaving my heart at home. It took a while, but I finally adjusted to the reality that I had to remain in my current position/pay at work to make ends meet. About a year after my return, I found out I was pregnant again. I fully anticipated being able to make some big changes to my career after the birth of our son, because no way could we afford day care ($2310 a month!) for two kids. Turns out, I couldn’t afford not to. But if I thought it was hard leaving Kaydriana for 45+ hours a week, it was doubly hard to leave both kids. My first day back was 10/1/12.  For the past year, I haven’t been home to cook my family dinner or eat with them. I’ve rushed them out the door each morning and within minutes of walking in the door at night, I was putting Lake to sleep. I run a marathon from 530 AM to 830 PM each day, with the majority of that time with not nearly enough sleep.

Now here we are today: Tim has finally reached his goal of working for the city of Bellevue where the pay and the possibilities are much better. With his better pay, and the fact that in one month, we’ll be almost completely out of debt, I get some freedom with my choice of position at work.

I would very much like to be able to go part time, but we’re not quite there yet. However, I am able to take a step down to a supervisor position, which I’ve negotiated with my bosses to become affective in January (Shhhh… this has not been shared with anyone else at work). My pay will be cut by more than half of what I make now, but my responsibilities will be much, much less. I will be able to work just 40 hours a week, take breaks and lunches, leave my work at work, not wake up to anxiety, not have to answer to employees or members, not have to work 12 hour days during the holidays or bad weather, get off earlier, not have to read my work emails at home, not have to come in when I’m sick, and have more quality time with my family. I’ll be home in time to make and eat dinner with my family and not work on the weekends.

For nearly 11 years I had worked so hard to move up as quickly as I could in the company. Now my greatest role and my greatest passion is being a mother to my children. It’s a difficult mindset for me to no longer be the boss, but since making this decision official a few days ago, I feel the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I have a joy and an outlook that I haven’t had since I can remember.

With Tim and I both now having good paying jobs, I know I’m stepping away from financial security, being able to purchase nice clothes, getting my hair done, affording vacations, and spending money freely. But since May 10^th, 2010 my happiness and my fulfillment comes from my role as a wife and mother. Not my job title. We’ll go back to living on a budget, but I know God will provide for us because I finally have my priorities straight J

Growing

You always hear how each child can be so different, but you don’t really grasp it until what everyone has been telling you is proven true. I mean, how can a child by the same two parents, raised in the same environment, be complete opposites of their sibling!? Well, that’s Lake and Kaydriana for sure!

I took Lake to his 15 month well child check up on Thursday. Unlike his sister at this age, he is only "saying" two words: "Wussat?" and "uh oh". Dr. Schrier was not concerned. She said that between now and 18 months, he'll really start picking up on vocabulary and told me how I can help teach him to add to his current vocabulary, such as say, "ooh, what's that?" She said, she'd consider, "ooh" a word when used together with "whats that". 

She was pleased to hear that he hasn't gotten any fevers since his 12 month check up when he had a bad reaction to the MMR vaccine. He was due for three more vaccines, plus the flu shot. And so far, no bad reactions! 

Ironically, Thursday night as I was putting Lake to bed, he really seemed engaged in wanting to learn. It's like he knew I was concerned about him being a bit behind. He had one of his animal books, so we went through it and I tried to make the appropriate animal sounds and have him copy me. It's pretty funny right now because he growls when you ask him what something says. When we went to LaSheika and Asa's house the other day, it was fun for Asa to ask Lake what something says, including, "What does mommy say?" and he replied of course with, "Roar"

So we get to the frog and I make the, "ribbit" noise over and over again and I can see his little mouth is trying to figure out how to form the noise. Then we get to the monkey and I make the "ooh ooh aah aah" noise and after a couple of tries, he finally makes the, "aah aah" sound and starts giggling, he was just so tickled with himself! So we go back and forth for about a 1/2 hour and he is loving it, and so am I! Then he grabs my nose! The reason I was so excited about this is because I've been trying to teach him where his nose and ears are, but he would never copy me. So then I point to his nose and then he grabs his ear. It's like all of a sudden a light switch went off and he wants to learn! I loved it!!

Then last night, watching the Hawks game, we raised our arms up and said, "touch down!" and guess what he does? He raises his arms up and says, "touch down"! It's officially his third word! 

Watching my kids learn and grow is by far one of my most favorite parts of parenthood. Even though Lake isn't as verbal as Kaydriana was, I know he'll get there. While she might become an actress or some sort of performer, Lake has quite the arm on him and will probably be a pitcher or a bowler ;)

Feeling Blessed!

Wow, God has really blessed us this past week. Our patience (If that’s what you can call it ;) ) has paid off and prayers have been answered.

Tim got the City of Bellevue job! It’s been a very long road of waiting, temporary jobs, silly and dumb jobs, working nights, etc. This is the job that Tim plans on retiring from, just like his dad did. It means more money, but more than that, it’s a career that Tim has an opportunity to grow in. And he knows he loves the work and knows most of the people there and enjoys the management.

Our first step is to pay off our debt and start putting money into savings. Then maybe in about 6 months or so, explore trying to put our house on the market again. Then we’ll see where it goes from there.

The same day that Tim got the news, I had my annual review and raise discussion. Weeks leading up to this meeting I was feeling under-appreciated and felt myself getting defensive of what I was sure was not going to be a fully accurate review or the raise that I deserved. My GM made an inappropriate comment to me a week before our meeting that lead us to have a very serious discussion about my ambitions of getting out of my current department, but our discussion wasn’t going to be final until my director returned from vacation and we could all talk. But walking into the review, knowing Tim had this job, I knew if it wasn’t what I deserved I was going to hold my head high, knowing I didn’t have to stick it out anymore.

Lo and behold, my review was help written by both directors in Issaquah and Yakima, along with my GM, so between the three of them, all of my hard work was fairly documented. I also got more than the standard raise because of my recognized hard work and performance.

Needless to say, last weekend (Labor Day weekend) was pretty awesome. Tim and I both feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders and as we start getting out of debt, that weight will continue to get lighter and lighter!

I did have my follow up discussion with my GM and director and have made it very clear that I don’t know what the next six to twelve months looks like, but my days in Ecom are definitely numbered. I think it was especially difficult for my director to understand as she has mentored me since I was 19, but after I told her that if I am going to be away from my kids 45-50 hours a week, I want to be for a position that I am excited and passionate about, because as it stands, what I’m doing now is not worth the time I’m missing out on with my kids. And gosh darnit, it felt so good to say that and be honest!

Oh! And one of the best parts is, I asked to have at least two nights a week where I’m not closing, and I got three! Woot Woot! I can have more family time and cook dinner for my family again!

The next blessing to share is how well the first week with our nanny went. Our kids are happy, our house is clean, and we know our kids are in great care! It does result in more work for me overall because of meal planning and grocery shopping and unloading the dishwasher daily now, but it’s completely worth it! And I might even ask if she wouldn’t mind running and unloading the dishwasher.

The kids are doing well. Lake still isn't talking, other than saying, “uh oh”, but he understands most of the commands I give him. Kaydriana is such a performer, now more than ever!

Last night, Tim and I turned the tv off and she regaled us with stories and songs for  a ½ hour or more. Tim got quite the gem of a video on his phone. She went to the junk drawer and came out with a clear cell phone protective case. She tells us that we use this when we go to sleep and we can see eagles! And she starts off with each new story with, “Are you ready guys!?” And when she breaks into song, Lake will join her and use some of the same dramatic arm gestures Kaydriana does. Who needs tv when you’ve got these kids!?

Oh, and one of my favorite recent moments was a few nights ago when I was putting Lake to sleep. I only nursed him before bed 3 times this week (slowly but surely weaning him), and so this particular night I was nursing him. Kaydriana comes in (which she isn’t supposed to, because she gets Lake riled up), but she comes in whispering and says she wants to sing him a song. She comes over to me and strokes his leg tenderly while singing, “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”. Then she quietly exited. UGH!  Melt my heart! I love being their mom!

August 17th entry (creative, I know!)

It’s been a while, so I don’t even know where to begin.

Lake has not had fevers for so long that I can’t even remember the last time he was really sick. So that’s a blessing!

On July 20^th I got the extreme honor of witnessing my niece, Sloane Augusta, be born. Seriously, watching the miracle of birth is just an amazing and beautiful experience and I’m just so blessed to have a sister who let me be there. Breanna certainly didn’t make it look easy, but did such an awesome job of doing it completely drug free that I will always be in awe of her. I’m very excited that I get to be the first person to babysit her on Monday night so that Will can take Breanna out to celebrate her birthday.

Tim finally had an interview for the city of Bellevue, which we’ve been waiting 7 years for. We’re hoping he’ll find out he got the job on Monday. This opportunity will mean we’re finally on our way to accomplishing some huge goals in our lives and I am just so excited for the future!

We decided to not put the house on the market after finding out that even if we got our asking price, we would just barely make enough to move into an apartment. At this point, we’re not just trying to get out of our house. So we’ll see what happens with Tim’s job situation, then go from there. I do hope that maybe in the next six months or so, selling our house becomes a reality so that we can move and I can maybe go part time. But first things first: Tim gets that city job!

On Thursday night we received an email from the kids’ daycare that they are closing their doors after 20 years. I was in shock and totally heartbroken. Sure, they cost a lot, but knowing the kids love it there, learn so much, are around friends and their teachers really love them, makes paying the expensive tuition worth it. Especially after the home daycare we tried for two months, Tim and I really know what’s important when finding good care for our kids.

So after it sinking in that we only have two weeks to find new care for our kids, we started looking at other daycare facilities in the area. We also discussed a couple of the teachers we may consider approaching about hiring as a nanny.

Since my last search for a nanny came up empty handed, due to the typical pay a nanny could get, I wasn’t sure this would be a viable option. But we thought that it was worth a try because not only are parents out of care for their kids, a whole bunch of great daycare teachers are out of a job.

So yesterday morning, I took the kids nice and early to daycare since I knew Miss Elisa typically covers Lake’s room early in the morning. I was right and as soon as the classroom door closed, I said, “So you wanna job!?” She replied with, “I was hoping you would ask! As soon as we learned the news last night, you’re the first family I thought of!”

I was so relieved to hear that! Tim and I ended up meeting with her after she got off work and apparently, what we were able to offer, was totally agreeable to her! We are so relieved! It will certainly be a transition, to have a nanny come to our house, versus taking the kids some where. But we’ll be paying her less than what we currently pay daycare - it will equal out to be the same due to now having to supply our kids with lunches. She never missed a day of work at the daycare, which means she’s accountable, she is already certified for all the things you’d want in a caregiver, she is totally flexible with her schedule, she LOVES our kids! (She’s the one who bought Lake a cake and cute card for his first birthday) and I won’t have to stress about getting the kids ready and out of the door each morning.

Tim has decided, in preparation of having a nanny, we’re making our guest room a play room. I’m requesting a few days off as vacation since now I don’t have to worry about saving so many days in the event I’m not able to take the kids to daycare when they are sick, so I’m going to enjoy a few days off to myself while they are in daycare J I’ll still keep some vacation and sick days handy in the event that I have to stay home with them, but considering I REALLY need a break from work, this seems like perfect timing!

Tim and I had a date day last weekend. Back in March he bought tickets to the Mariner’s game that Ken Griffey Jr. was being inducted into the hall of fame. We had a gift card from Christmas to a restaurant close to the stadium, so we had a great, cheap date together. Tim’s parents had the kids overnight so after we ate and enjoyed a bit of the game, we headed home, hiked around our neighborhood and just really enjoyed us time. It was the first time that we had ever spent the night at our own home with out the kids. It was a little weird, but nice at the same time. We really need to figure out how to have more dates!

The kids are doing well. Kaydriana is becoming a bit more defiant, so we’re trying to combat that. On the positive side, her imagination is growing and now that she loves me telling her stories, particularly Goldilocks and the Three Bears, she likes to add on to the stories at the end. Her bangs are finally starting to not look so horrid after her run ins with the scissors. I’m praying we never have to deal with that again!

Lake is always covered in bruises! It was so bad about a week ago where he had a bruise on each cheek and everyone, including Tim, thought it was dirt! He still isn’t saying much, but he is in love with books. He enjoys it when I say animal sounds and he is pretty good with snorting like a pig when he sees one. Last night we were playing while Tim took Kaydriana to Home Depot and I told Lake that it was time for nigh night. He got up and started going up the stairs. I love that he understands me J

The past couple of weeks have been tough. I’ve been pretty down lately with the non-stop stress and feeling like I’m not fulfilling my life’s passion of being with my kids more. I still get up everyday and go through the motions, but what I really want to do is either be in bed or just hang out with the kids. It’s all I can do to get through the work day. Maybe having a four day weekend to look forward to next week will energize me, but knowing we’re entering our busy time of year here at work, is already having it’s toll. I want out so bad, and I just don’t see an end to this position in the near future. I just need to keep my eye on the prize and continue working towards our goals and, at minimum, survive until then.

How Many Balls Can We Juggle?

I’ve learned that God has an interesting sense of humor, especially since I became a parent. Thursday is a great example of thinking God was saying, “I’m going to give you the desires of your heart, but you need to remember to trust me through tribulations.”

On the way into work on Thursday, I was running short on time and was going about 10 miles over the speed limit down one of our hills. I know where the cops usually hang out, so I slowed down in the normal spots and sped up where I knew I could. Just then a sick feeling washed over me and I slowed all the way down to the speed limit. Few seconds later I see a motorcycle cop hiding where there never has been before. I typically would be going fast through that area so I thanked God for giving me that warning. I just couldn’t take another financial blow.

Later, I’m at work and on my to do list is a member issue that is just ridiculous and very escalated. I’ve been trying to get a hold of this member to tell him we will not cover the cost for missing an appointment with an installer that HE hired and is ripping HIM off. The bill was $2,188. I get a call from a phone agent telling me this member is on the phone to return my call. Perfect, lets get this over with, I think. I accept the call cheerfully and was told this was not the member, it is the installer. He starts threatening me telling me I’m bad mouthing his business (he used some legal jargon, not defaming, slander, or libel, but something else) and that it is against the law in the state of Texas and he’ll have his lawyers contact me and blah blah blah. I get nervous and take a, “play nice in the sand box” approach and get him off the phone.

I was worried that I might be held personally responsible because I did tell the member that the installer he hired has an unfavorable rating on the BBB and from my experience, no installer would charge a member that much money to have to reschedule their installation appointment. I was only telling the member out of concern.

I ended up calling our legal department and had to leave a message. So I sweated about this for a few hours. Finally, I spoke to one of our lawyers and he said I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t maliciously saying untruths about this company and what I did share was public knowledge on BBB’s website. Phew!

A little while later, Tim text me after he picked the kids up from daycare to say that our monthly daycare fee has been reduced by $122!! That means our new monthly fee is… $2,188!!! That dollar amount look familiar!? Crazy coincidence!

However, minutes later Tim calls me with bad news. As he was backing up to parallel park, he hit someone who was behind him. He says it was her fault because he was already partly in the spot and she obviously wasn’t paying attention. But I’m not totally convinced. Who knows how the insurance company will go. The last thing we need is to pay another $500 deductable! We just paid that with our water damage.

It’s bad enough that I hit a neighbors rearview mirror and had to pay $318 out of pocket to reimburse the replacement mirror. Then we receive a bi-monthly water bill and it’s gone from an average of $200 to $600! I spoke with our insurance company and it’s unlikely they’ll reimburse us, because for one instance of our toilet overflowing, wouldn’t cause that much extra water usage. My toilet has done this constant running thing for months and I had my huge make up case on the back of the lid, so I generally would just let it be. Now with the toilet situation and our outrageous bill, I’ve been taking the lid off to stop the water. Next step is to have someone from the water department make sure we don’t have a leak and then ask them to cut us a break. We also need to call a plumber to look at the toilet, but we definitely can’t afford that right now, so I need to be diligent about stopping it from running. Ugh! Being a home owner is not all it’s cracked up to be! I kinda miss the days where I can call the apartment manager and have the handy man fix my issue.

To make matters worse, Tim and I have not put ourselves in a financial situation where we have wiggle room to handle disasters. Since I returned to work from having Lake and paying for two kids in daycare, we’ve had to use credit cards a lot to make ends meet. Add to that all of Lake’s doctor bills and not only are we struggling to pay our monthly bills, we certainly can’t afford all these unplanned bills. We’re looking into debt consolidating, but wonder if we should. We’re putting our house on the market and my idea is to use what we make on the house to get out of debt, move into an apartment, save money for a new down payment and start fresh. I just don’t know what the right answer is.

Among all these financial unknowns are our work situations. I’m so excited that Tim is finally switching to day shifts on July 1^st. I’ve been feeling alone for a long time. Not just single parent status and having to deal with all the kids needs from 7PM-9AM each day, but no one to talk to status. I began to enjoy it, like the kids go to bed and I’m by myself to read. But after I realized I was mostly looking forward to seeing my message therapist for the conversation and not just for the back care, I realized that something just wasn’t right. I’ve turned to my online mommy groups, which has been really great, but nothing beats being able to sit and talk to your partner. It really, really became obvious when Tim and I went to stay overnight for our anniversary. Being able to have a conversation with him is something so simple, but so needed and worthwhile. Imagine that, a wife talking to her husband…

Tim will begin working from 630-330 most days. We’ll need to figure out how to sleep in the same bed again. He likes windows open, TV or radio on, no covers. I’m exactly opposite. But we’ll finally have time together while the kids are asleep, which will be great.

Now, onto the topic that’s bringing me a lot of excitement and nerves… I’m applying for a new position at work. It’s a lateral position in a WAY less stressful position, earlier hours and Monday through Friday. I would be all excitement and no nerves if I didn’t have to worry and figure out childcare. The position would mean I’d have to open 3 days a week, which I would absolutely love!! I loved those hours before I had Kaydriana. However, I’d have to be at work at 5:30 AM and daycare doesn’t open until 6:30. So at least three days a week, we’d have to hire a nanny. If everything worked out perfectly, a nanny would be at our house at 515 those three days I have to open and the kids can stay in daycare two days a week. It would have to equal out to be what we’re currently paying as we certainly can’t afford more than what we’re paying. I like the idea of not having to get the kids fed, dressed and out of the house in a frenzy. But I would be concerned about their safety (do I let the nanny drive them anywhere?) and learning and playing with other kids. Also, finding good childcare is stressful!!!!

I have my interview on Tuesday and while I have an excellent shot at getting it, I’m not a shoe in. I’m trusting God will open doors to get me out of this current position, with these really restricted hours. When I was on maternity leave with Kaydriana, I was called and told I was coming to Ecom. So I never got the benefit of really learning if I could have a good work/life balance and be satisfied with my job and home life.

I feel like this new position, with it’s earlier hours, would give me the benefit of having a good balance and perhaps satisfy the hunger I have to spend more time with my kids.

With the house going on the market, our financial situation, new positions at work and possible childcare changes, we have a lot of things up in the air. Trusting in God’s plan for us and praying for patience and wisdom in all of this. 

Adventures...

It’s been a crazy past few weeks. Actually, all of May was crazy, which I knew it would be. I had a lot of time off for the kids’ birthdays, girls weekend, and our 5 year wedding anniversary. That was all planned. What wasn’t planned was the not so expected adventures.

In my last post, I covered how well Kaydriana’s party went. When I entered the information into the kids’ baby book, there were 41 guests at her bday party! We didn’t invite as many little friends to Lake’s, so his party had 21 guests, which was perfectly fine!

Lake’s birthday was fun. I made him a little ball pit with a plastic tub with plastic balls. He loved it! Kaydriana loved it too! That made for a fun morning. Because it was the Friday before Memorial weekend, daycare was closed so Tim and I took both kids to the Woodland Park Zoo. The kids held up for a long time, but they made it clear when it was time to go! After we got home from the zoo we sang happy birthday to Lake and presented him with an adorable little cake his daycare teacher gave him. He was not into it! I think he is more like Tim: not a big fan of sweets. Unlike Kaydriana, who is a lot like me and insisted on helping her baby brother with devouring his cake.

Lake’s party started off a little touchy with decorating and setting up for an indoor party. At the last minute, we moved everything outside since the weather seem to have stabilized. Lake doesn’t usually go too long without a nap so we knew we’d be fast tracking the birthday events. Lake had fun playing with the ball pit balls we moved outside and watching his sister and cousins running around. He was in a much more cheerful mood than he was at Kaydriana’s party. Then it was time for cake. He still didn’t have much interest, but we made him get dirty anyway, because we’re awesome parents like that. After he was good and messy, I realized we hadn’t brought out any wipes to clean him with. I asked Tim to go inside and grab wipes.

He comes back out sauntering in that way that he does and locks eyes with me and motions me with his finger and then says our house is flooding. Without reliving all the gory details, basically, my third story toilet didn’t stop running and it leaked through the second floor all the way to the first floor kitchen. Water was pouring out of the sprinkler system and light fixtures. Tim and Lee were taking care of things and Tim told me to go back out with our guests and go ahead and open Lake’s presents. So the party went on.

Lake wasn’t too excited with opening presents, but sissy was there to assist. Our party goers started to leave and give us their condolences and well wishes as they left.

Not too long after, the water damage people showed up and went to work drying out our house. All I gotta say is, thank goodness for homeowners insurance!

They tore apart my bathroom, placing the toilet in the tub. In both bathrooms and the hallways, Lake’s closet and the linen closet, the floor boards were ripped off. So with the carpeting also pulled back and nails and chunks of dry wall exposed, it has been too dangerous to have the kids upstairs while I’m getting ready for work. That has been so difficult. How our house is laid out, the most practical way of me getting ready each morning is having the kids on the third floor with me, putting the baby gate up at the top of the stairs and letting them play. This has not been possible for over two weeks. I’ve been going to the gym to work out and get ready, dropping the kids off at daycare early so I can get ready at home, and once I locked them downstairs while I showered and that didn’t work out too well. Finally after 16 days the house was put back together!! I am looking forward to getting back into our normal routine. The mornings are my only quality time with the kids. However, now that I know I can make it to the gym, I’m going to try to go twice a week. I really enjoy my work outs again!

Both kids had their well child checks on May 30^th. Kaydriana still has her irregular heart beats, called PCVs. I was kinda hoping she would have grown out of them already, but we’ll just continue to watch her. Kaydriana is 33 pounds now and despite her heart beats, is perfectly healthy.

We talked about Lake and I gave Dr. Schrier the notes I made regarding Lake’s fevers.

There isn’t a consistent pattern and we talked about the possibility of arthritis. Because Lake hasn’t been exhibiting any real signs of it, she felt we could rule that out for now.

She advised that we continue checking his temperature, and when he does spike a fever, to have him come in and get checked for symptoms. And if we can find a more consistent pattern, see if I can get him in before a fever spikes and draw blood to check his white blood cell counts. Sounds like if he does have something, it’s going to be a long time before we figure it out.

However, less than 12 hours after our appointment and he getting vaccines, when I got home at 7 that night, Lake had a fever of 102. He woke up the next morning with that and had fast shallow breaths and his heart was beating fast. I called the nurse on call at Children’s and from what we were able to discern, it appears he could be part of the 1-2% of children who have a reaction to the PCV vaccination. I was told his symptoms could last 72 hours, but to go ahead and treat with ibuprofen and Tylenol. I took him to daycare and got a note faxed over so they could give him the fever reducers.

That same day, Tim had a surprise overnight date planned for our 5 year anniversary. He had picked up the kids from daycare and took them to his parent’s house. He didn’t mention anything about Lake not doing well. He picked me up and whisked me away to Salish Lodge.

We had a great time, staying in the nicest room I had ever stayed in. We had an amazing dinner and dessert and enjoyed the falls. We also enjoyed the Jacuzzi tub, which I’ve never used before. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention, I walked into the room with a beautiful bouquet of roses and gourmet chocolates.

The next day, I had a hard time sleeping in (darn breast feeding!) but enjoyed lounging around and ordering room service. Salish makes the best eggs Benedict! While we were waiting for our breakfast to arrive, Tim called his parents and that’s when we learned that Lake had had a really rough night.

When we made our way to the kids, Lake couldn’t even sit up, he was so lethargic. He usually is so excited to see me, but it was almost like he didn’t recognize me. The rest of our anniversary, Lake laid on top of me. He couldn’t get comfy in his crib, and he didn’t want any food except to nurse occasionally. My sweet little guy L

The next day, Sunday he perked up a bit, but still had a fever. And then on Monday morning, he woke up and it was like a light bulb was switched on. He was perky and happy and fever free….

So we’ll just keep tracking, and I’ll be avoiding vaccines at his 15 month appointment. 

Starting Down a New Path

Starting Down a New Path

It’s ironic that my last post started off with talking about a healthy child. Within a couple of days, my little guy had high fevers once again.

May 11^th, (Kaydriana’s 3^rd birthday party day) Lake was clingy and didn’t want to be put down. I didn’t pay too much attention to it, as I was hosting the party and had had Lakey helpers. However, later that evening, I noticed he started to get a bit warm so I gave him a bit of ibuprofen before bed.

The next day was Mother’s Day. I gave him the rest of the fever reducer we had and went to the zoo and had a nice time. Afterwards, I went to run a few errands (sans children) and Tim text me to say Lake had woken up from his nap and was shaking. I ran to Fred Meyers and got Motrin and Acetaminophen and when I got home and took his temp, it was up to 104.5… here we go again with his ears, so I thought.

We were able to keep his fever down with alternating between the two meds. He woke up every two hours Sunday night/Monday morning, which was no fun as I had a day of jury duty to look forward to. I pumped him with meds, dropped him off at daycare and crossed my fingers. I only ended up being at jury duty for about an hour or so, then had to report to work. I was only at work for an hour before I saw the dreaded, “ICA” show up on my phone.

Lake had fallen asleep while being held by one of his teachers outside. They laid him down in the crib and when he woke up, he was shaking and had a temp of 103.7 (and as his daycare says, “without adding a temp because of being taken in the armpit”). I left work and picked him up. I knew I had to take Lake to the doctor to confirm another ear infection. If it was, then they could write me a note for daycare, allowing him to return tomorrow and give him pain medicine/RX/Motrin. If it wasn’t an ear infection, then he wouldn’t be able to return for 24 hours of being fever free.

We had about 3 hours before the doctor appointment so I gave him Motrin, and then we both took a nap.  When we get to his pediatrician, he was happy and energetic and his ears were perfectly clear.  Which might be good news to some, but it wasn’t for me because now I’m in territory I’m not familiar with… the unknown.

Dr. Schrier says that she feels like there must be something else going on and that there are some syndromes that are known to cause recurring, high fevers. She said that to diagnose that, we’d have to track his fevers and probably do some blood work and that regardless, it’s probably going to take some time. She said that she believes his ears may not have been causing these high fevers after all. That reminded me of the comment one of the doctors made when we took Lake in after vacation. She said he did have a minor infection, but it’s unlikely that that is what is causing such high fevers. I remember being mad and annoyed because in my mind, of course that is what was causing the high fevers.

After I got home and started to google different fever syndromes, I found that Juvenile Rheumatoid arthritis (JRA) can cause fevers too. Since I had that as a child, I called Dr. Schrier’s office up and left that information with them, so we can be looking in the right directions.

Here is some of the information I was able to pull up regarding recurrent fevers:

Recurrent fevers are defined as three or more febrile episodes in a six-month period, occurring at least seven days apart, with no causative medical illness. These episodes can occur at regular or irregular intervals. 

Few diseases cause a regular pattern of recurrent fevers. The most common diagnosis associated with this fever pattern is PFAPA syndrome (i.e., periodic fever, aphthous ulcers (canker sores), pharyngitis (sore throat), and adenopathy (enlarged Lymph nodes). PFAPA is characterized by high fevers lasting three to six days and recurring every 21 to 28 days, accompanied by some or all of the signs noted in its name. The syndrome usually occurs in children younger than five years who present with regular fevers and cervical adenopathy. Aphthous ulcers, which are usually small and relatively painless, are the symptom most likely to be missed.

There is another syndrome called Familial Mediterranean fever that Dr. Schrier mentioned by name. That can have a lot of other symptoms associated with it (none that sounded like Lake has had) or in 25% of the cases, no other symptoms appear.

And this is some of the information regarding JRA:

Systemic JIA. Affects the whole body. Symptoms include high fevers that often increase in the evenings and then may suddenly drop to normal. During the onset of fever, the child may feel very ill, appear pale, or develop a rash. The rash may suddenly disappear and then quickly appear again. The spleen and lymph nodes might become enlarged. Eventually many of the body's joints are affected by swelling, pain, and stiffness.

I’ve gone ahead and looked back on my previous blog posts and Instagram and Facebook posts and tracked how frequent his fevers have been. Since December, the shortest amount of time he’s gone without a fever is 18 days. The longest is 45 days. Unfortunately, I haven’t tracked how long the fevers last, but from what I recall, they are typically about 4-6 days.

I don’t qualify for FMLA until mid-July because of using up all of my hours when I was on maternity leave with Lake. I only have about 2 days of sick left and 3 vacation days until November. If I can’t take him to daycare when his fevers strike, then I’ll be running out of protected time and will need Tim to call in and utilize his parents while they’re available. I don’t want to rely on any of my other possible resources who have children because we don’t know if what he has is contagious.

I’m sad that most of my recent posts have to do with Lake’s illness when there is so much more going on in our life. Kaydriana’s 3^rd birthday party went off without a hitch. We had great weather, and having it in our park worked out great. She had a lot of fun! She got awesome gifts and adorable clothes! When I asked Tim how I did with the party, he said it was over the top. Well then, I take that as just right! J

Lake is turning 1 next Friday and honestly I am shocked by how quickly this year has gone. I can still remember every detail of that day he was born and it feels like a couple of months ago, not 51.5 weeks ago! He can run (kinda) and I’m teaching him how to high-five. He’s starting to sit at Kaydriana’s big kid table and feed himself. Last night we went to Red Robin and he drank water out of a cup with a straw and fed himself grilled cheese sandwich pieces. I started him on hemp and oat milk instead of using formula a couple of weeks ago and I’ll start him on whole milk in a week or so. He’s still waking up one to two times a night to nurse (more frequent when he’s sick). Through out the day I nurse him in the morning, pump twice at work, nurse him when I get home, then nurse him before bed. I’m trying to cut down on the nursing and the last few days am only pumping once while at work. It would be grand if he would stop waking in middle of the night to eat!

 Daycare is already starting to transition him into the, “wobblers” room instead of the infant room. That makes me sad, but as I see all the cute babies cradled in a swing and doing tummy time, it’s obvious that Lake has surpassed that stage. Oh and he got his first haircut on Kaydriana’s birthday. He’s definitely becoming a big boy!

Things are Good

You don’t know how amazing it is to have healthy kids, until you don’t have healthy kids. Lake had his tubes placed about two weeks ago now. Since the procedure, our little boy is a different person. He is much more independent and loves to play. He’s much less clingy and there is a sense of relief that when I go to pick him up out of the crib, I don’t need to check his head and body for a fever. Now if his darn teeth would pop out, he’d be the happiest kid on the block! (Update – When Lake woke me up in the middle of the night last night, he had a temp of 102. He has been acting fine and no complaints from daycare, so I think that might have been just a fluke)

Life is good. It’s warm and sunny and I got to enjoy about 36 hours of girl time with no kids this weekend. Each year, 4 of my girlfriends from work and I try to get away for a weekend. We didn’t get to go the last two years because of pregnancies and weddings, but we’ve done it about 8 times so far. It’s a lot of effort to get 5 of us Costco girls the same time off, but when we do, it’s always worth it! We’ve all worked together for many years and now we are all in different departments. We have girl chat, eat junk food, go shopping, watch movies and laugh a lot. It’s awesome!!

This year, a few weeks leading up to the trip I told the girls I was just going to go for one night instead of two. At the time, I decided it was best because of how sick Lake has been and that he doesn’t sleep through the night yet. Since Lake had gotten the tubes, he’s been acting so much better and sleeping better too, but I still decided to just go one night because I really don’t get to spend enough time with my kids as it is. One of my girlfriends, Katie felt the same way regarding her family, so we decided to drive together. We got 4 hours of quality time in the car, which was a bonus!

The month of May is going to be such a fun month. Girls weekend was last weekend, this weekend is Kaydriana’s third birthday, Lake’s first birthday is on the 24^th and then it’s me and Tim’s 5 year wedding anniversary.

I can’t believe my baby girl is going to be three on Friday. In some ways she seems older than that because compared to her little brother, she is a big girl. But when it’s just her and me time after daddy leaves for work and Lakey is asleep, she loves to snuggle with me as she watches a bit of cartoons before bedtime.

I love the way she talks. When she hears an unfamiliar noise, she says, “what does that sound make?” instead of saying, “what’s making that sound?”. When I tell her its bedtime she holds up her two fingers and she says, “two minutes mommy, two minutes”. She has absolutely no concept of time. At times she tells me I am her best friend or that Lakey is her best friend, or sometimes it’s daddy. When Lake does something she doesn’t like she says that Lakey is not her best friend. It’s hilarious!

She has two little buddies at daycare that she constantly talks about, Nora and Lacey. They both greet her in the mornings, excited she’s there and suddenly she is in to purses, pretend lipstick, and asking for her hair to be put into pig-tails. She usually only wants to dress herself and I try not to fight her when she insists on wearing her warm dress coat when it’s a shorts and sandals kind of day. Love the girliness of it all!

Sigh… my babies are getting old! Good thing my niece will be born soon and I can snuggle on that precious itty bitty baby. Until I get to have another itty bitty baby :) - Someday. Like when I get a few years worth of sleep first! 

The Procedure

 While I felt I was prepared for what to expect regarding Lake’s, “bilateral myringotomy with tubes”, (ear tubes in both ears) nothing can prepare you to actually handle the day with energy and patience.

Before I get into how the day went, here is a bit of an explanation of the procedure:

“A myringotomy with tubes is ear surgery done under general anesthesia. A small hole is made in the eardrum so fluid can be removed from the middle ear. A tiny, 2-mm tube is then inserted into the hole. This allows air into the middle ear which prevents fluid from building up again.”

I’ve learned from a friend’s experience, and the information the surgeon gave us, that tubes do not prevent all infections. But they often reduce how often a child gets infections.

Our day started at 4:30 AM. The cut off for Lake’s last meal was 4:45 so I set my alarm to wake him up to feed him. I knew he would not want to have a spoon of food crammed into his mouth, so I used one of the medicine droppers and force fed him like I do his medicine. He hated every minute of it, but I got him to eat at least a ½ jar of food.

The cut off for breast milk was 6:45, so we were back up early enough for me to nurse him. Then I just hoped and prayed that we could survive long enough without eating until the procedure.

Check in was scheduled for 10:50. Tim and I got there in plenty of time and I don’t know, I guess I was expecting to be taken back within a few minutes. Ummm no. When we checked in, one of the volunteers greeted us and let us know the surgeons were a little behind. We waited and waited and waited. About 45 minutes into waiting (with no update) I overheard another family go up to the desk to check on what was going on. They were told it would be at least another ½ hour. They were there before us.

Lake was squirmy and bored so after Tim and I took turns carrying him around, I finally took him into the play room. Finally about another 15-20 minutes we were taken back. But then we waited another 20-30 minutes for the anesthesiologist. Exhausted and hungry (all of us!) we finally got started.

Because the procedure was going to be so fast, Lake got to keep his clothes on and he didn’t need an IV. I think all of that really helped me keep it all together. I laid him on the table and they warned me that as the anesthesia was given, he might start to cry/scream. Not my baby. He got the biggest smile on his face and giggled (The anesthesiologist said they have never seen that J ) I stroked his face and when he started to squirm, I held his hands. As he settled into sleep, I gave him a kiss and then they escorted us out.

The procedure was supposed to take less than 10 minutes. At the 8 minute mark, I kept checking the time after each additional minute or two went by. Finally about 15 minutes after it started, they brought us into the recovery room. Lake didn’t look like my baby. He had a thing in his mouth that kept his tongue from rolling back. The nurse told us that if he didn’t wake up on his own in 15 minutes, they would start trying to wake him up. After we took a seat, Tim mentioned something about the Seahawks and I don’t know if it was daddy’s voice or what, Lake started waking up. He was upset and I started nursing him. You could tell he was starving! The nurse told us to fill our prescription for ear drop antibiotics since he indeed did have a double ear infection when they went in to place the tubes.

After we got out of there and into the truck, I gave Lake a food pouch, which he sucked down. Then he screamed the entire way home. By the looks in his eyes, the anesthesia was still affecting him. I sat in the back with him and he kept reaching for me. I felt so bad that I couldn’t hold him. Tim and I were both starving too so we drove through Taco Bell and by the time we got home, Lake was asleep. It was nap time for mommy too!

After he woke up, he was a little delirious, but after he got his bearings, a smile came to his face. He was ready to eat and play! We hung out for about 1.5 hours ( I was really entranced by the news coverage of the authorities finding, “suspect #2” from the Boston Marathon Bombing, hiding in that guys boat). I took Lake grocery shopping with me and he did great. We picked Kaydriana up from daycare and when we got home, they played and he was doing so well!

He went to bed just fine, but then at 2 AM he woke up screaming. Tim was at work since he signed up for OT before we knew about the procedure. He was almost back to sleep when Kaydriana woke up crying. The double whammies are the worst! So I put Lake down in his crib and he was not happy. But I knew if I didn’t tend to Kaydriana soon, she’d cry louder or come upstairs and then there would be no hope of Lake falling asleep. She wanted a snack and water. After I got that for her, I came back upstairs to find Lake inconsolable. At one point, I laid down on one of his blankets and used his boppy as a pillow next to his crib. We held hands (wish I could have gotten a picture!) until I thought he was asleep. He wasn’t. Basically after 2.5 hours of us being awake, I did the only thing I was capable of at that time. I brought him into bed with me and nursed him to sleep.

So basically I didn’t sleep, which is awesome when you’re the only manager on duty for Saturday. Adding insult to injury, I’m now sick and I’m pretty sure I have an ear infection in my right ear.

Yesterday was a really long, hard day and today will be too. But I’m feeling very optimistic about the future of Lake’s health. And now if we can survive teething, we should be good!

Resolution!?

I am so happy to say that Lake is having tubes put in his ears on Friday!

We had our long awaited Children’s Hospital appointment today. It’s perfect timing too, because Lake woke up at 4 o’clock this morning with 102.2 fever!

Driving into the CH in Bellevue, I felt like we were in a special place. They have these shiny pinwheels spinning throughout the driveway and of course, everything is bright and cheery. Everyone, even other patient’s parent’s, were smiling and friendly.

When we got called back they took Lake’s height and weight. He’s grown a pound since his last appointment. He’s a whopping 21 pounds! We only have a pound left before we have to change his car-seat; we better get on that!

When the doctor came in, she asked the normal questions and reviewed his history with his infections. Then she said, “so you want to do tubes?” I told her yes, unless there was something we haven’t tried yet. She said that she thought tubes were a great idea. She said that I can take him out of daycare, keep him home and in a bubble and not allow his sister to ever touch him. But seeing as that is not an option, tubes are the best resolution at this time. I really appreciated her assurance because I haven’t gotten that yet! So then I shared with her other people’s feedback or advice regarding extra vitamins, chiropractor adjustments, etc. She said there is no evidence supporting any of that helps cure or reduce ear infections.

I believe there are certainly health benefits to those things mentioned above, but the fact remains, my son’s ear infections are not going to be resolved without this procedure and that’s where we are at, at this point in time.

She checked his ears and sure enough his ears are, “angry”. She said they aren't technically infected yet, so if we can get him in to get the tubes right away, we should be able to avoid another round of antibiotics.

Then she tells me the surgeon has an opening this Friday. I was totally excited! Although, to be honest, I’m slightly bummed that I have to cancel my reflexology spa appointment, my hair appointment and my coffee date with Ashley, but of course, nothing is going to stop me from going forward with this procedure for Lake.

The only thing I am nervous about is the not eating or drinking before the procedure. When the lady called to confirm the details of the procedure, she clarified for me that check in time is at 10:50 AM on Friday. Lake cannot have any formula or food after 4:45 AM, but that I could nurse him up until 6:45. He’s only wanted breast milk the past two days anyway, so hopefully, we can last those 4 hours without too much difficulty.

The procedure should only take less than 10 minutes and we should only be there for a total of 1.5 hours. The recovery is painless, but they warned me that he could be fussy for a while until the anesthesia completely wears off in a couple of hours. So I know Friday will be a tough day. Tim and I will get to be at his bedside as he falls asleep, but before they start the procedure, they’ll move us into the recovery room. I’ll probably cry, I’m sure.

I’m thankful that we have some hope for relief and can’t wait to have a healthy baby for more than a week at a time.

Oh and as icing on the cake, as the scheduling nurse was leaving the room, she waved, “bye” to Lake. It took him a moment, but he waved (both hands) back at her! That was his first wave! J

Catching Up...

I don’t even know where to begin! So I’ll just start somewhere…

(I wrote the below about two weeks ago… I didn’t get a chance to finish, but will leave the below as is and provide an update)

Lake is on his 5^th round of antibiotics for ear infections since December. When I took him to the doctor the Friday we flew home from vacation, he had 103.3 temperature. He had been feverish almost our entire trip. His poor body was so hot! So he had another double ear infection, but the doc (not his regular doc) says that it’s unlikely that the ear infections are causing that high of temps. Neither would the two top teeth he had popped out on vacation. I’d have to agree with her as even on his sickest days, he’s never been so hot.

I asked her at what point do we start talking about tubes? She said that typically with 4 infections in a 6 month period, they’d refer us to a ear/nose/throat (ENT) doctor. According to my calculations, this was now his 5^th. She looked at his chart and said that it seems to be his 3/4^th… whatever, I know how many times I’ve gone to get a prescription filled. She went on to say that the ear/nose/throat doctor probably would want to wait until the upper respiratory cold season has passed anyway.

I then asked about how long should I allow Lake to have these high temps? That day had already been day 4. She said if his temps are still high on Monday or Tuesday to give her a call.

Basically I left frustrated. I was so sleep deprived that we took our new RX and left.

The next day he had fevers again and at one point he started shaking like he had chills and his lips turned slightly purple. I panicked a little bit. After talking with my mom I decided that I was going to take him to urgent care the next morning. At 3am, he woke up warm again, I gave him ibuprofen, prepared to take him in when the sun came up. About 9 am I realized he had not gotten warm again. Typically the meds would wear off within 4 hours. The high fevers never did come back. I was so relieved! I had convinced myself that he must have some sort of internal infection that we need to get him tested for and that made me feel scared!

Along with the ear infections, the antibiotics reek havoc on his little body. He’s basically had diarrhea for months! Along with that he gets rashes and even worse, he also gets yeast infections. I’ve been very careful and thankfully I have only had a very minor case of thrush from nursing him. Yesterday he pooped in the tub, today he pooped on the floor. I am sick of the diarrhea. I am sick of the rashes. I am sick of my baby not feeling good. So after 7 days of his 10-day antibiotics, I stopped giving it to him today. On Monday I’m asking for a referral to see a specialist.

(Now time for a current update as of Saturday 4/13)

A little over a week after I wrote the above, I got a call from daycare that Lake had another really high fever. I knew it was his ears. Tim picked him up early from daycare and we lied and said we were taking him to the doctor. If we didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to return to daycare. That same day, I was going over our medical bills to realize that even after insurance covered our visits, we were basically paying $100 every time we took Lake into the doctor only to be told we were getting another round of antibiotics. That was it. Not only was I sick of my baby being sick, it’s costing us hundreds of dollars and not getting anywhere! I figured out what I had to do to get him a referral to see a pediatric ENT at Children’s Hospital. We got that all squared away and have his appointment on Wednesday April 17^th. Now all we had to do is keep Lake healthy enough to avoid missing daycare/work and taking him to the doctor. That was on a Tuesday. Thursday we get a call from daycare that Lake’s temp was 105!! Stop everything! I picked him up and took him to the ER.

Even after an hour of daycare giving him ibuprofen, he still had a temp of 102 when the ER docs checked him. All I wanted to do was burst into tears. I’m scared and sad and pissed off! They said he had a URI (Upper Respiratory Infection) and a mild ear infection. (In case you are counting, this is now the sixth ear infection since December!) They gave us a different, five day prescription and sent us on our way. That night Lake screamed every hour. He was so miserable! I was so grateful that Tim called in sick that night to help me out. In the morning, Tim took care of Lake so that I can get some sleep. Because Lake was in obvious pain, I had his pediatrician get us a RX for some ear drops. Tim was a big help getting the meds, more ibuprofen and acetaminophen (the ER doc told us to alternate those, and it helped keep his fever down!) and got me some lunch.

Finally by Saturday, Lake’s fever finally broke. It’s now been a week and this is the longest stretch of time that Lake has been happy and playing and a bit more independent. He is still tugging at his ears and either his ears are still slightly hurting him or he’s teething, but overall, he is much better. Oh and lets not forget…

MY BABY IS WALKING!! On vacation, he’d take 1.5 steps. Then one day (April 1^st) Tim texts me at work and says, “Lake can walk now. He has taken 2 steps a few times”. When my sister watched the kids a few days later, she took video of him taking 4 steps!

Now he can walk from Kaydriana’s bedroom door to her bed. He’s very slow and looks like Frankenstein walking, but our little guy is on two feet! It’s really funny because it’s like he doesn’t even think about it. He just starts going. With Kaydriana, she started walking a little over a year old, but had been “thinking” about it for some time. She’d practice by moving along the furniture and wearing a hole in the carpet from between the couch and ottoman, so by the time she walked unassisted, she was so much more sure footed. It’s like Lake said screw it to the practicing and is just going for it. They are seriously so opposite in every way!

Time to talk about – Vacation! Traveling went fine with the kids, but every little thing we had to do from parking at the shuttle place, to getting our rental car, getting the carseat, etc. just was so annoying. But then we finally pulled up to Tim’s parents house in Sun Lakes, AZ around 630 PM. With In & Out in our bellies, we went and sat out on their back patio and enjoyed the warmth. We sat out there for a few hours, enjoying watching their outdoor TV in our t-shirts. That’s just not something you can do in WA, even during our warmest summer nights!

That weekend we went to Mariner Spring Training games and Tim and I got a bit too much sun. We got autographs for Lake’s new mitt Tim bought him and got to spend some time with Tim’s friend, Matt, who lives in Scottsdale.

We had a chill around the house day on Monday to gear up for our 6 hour drive to Disneyland the next day. That night was the first night that Lake started to have a fever and he did not sleep well. Which meant, neither did I! Both kids did okay on the drive. Lake slept most of the time and Kaydriana had Tim’s Ipad.

We had planned on spending our first afternoon there at the pool, as that was one of the reasons why we chose the Disneyland Pier Hotel. However, we were notified during check in that their pool was closed. We were very disappointed. I’ll be writing a letter to the hotel management! We ended up taking Kaydriana to explore Downtown Disney. It was so cute! She did her little strut, with her arms out saying over and over, “Disneyland!” She had no idea how much more exciting it would get! 

After another sleepless night with a cranky baby, we went to Disneyland. I got choked up as I was just so excited to be giving my kids this experience and experiencing it with them. We got there a little too early before opening, and even after we got in, we still had to wait to get past the castle to the rides. 2 years olds do not have patience. But once we were on our way, it was a non stop fun first few hours of going on rides (Kaydriana still sings, “It’s a Small World”) and eating and making memories. Lake was a trooper even though it was obvious he wasn’t feeling well.

Kaydriana reacted just the way I knew she would. I thought she might be shy around the characters, but love the princesses. We never did get a good picture of her with Mickey or Minnie or any other character she likes watching on TV. But when she saw Cinderella! Oh my gosh, she was so excited and gave her a huge hug!

We made our way out of the park and back to the hotel where we left the kids with Nana and Papa and Tim and I went on a few rides by ourselves. Splash Mountain and Space Mountain were definitely the favorites. Then as we saw families get together to watch the parade and prepare for the fire works, we realized that we really wanted to have that experience with our kids. We skipped the parade, but we brought the kids back to watch the magical fireworks. It was well worth the effort and memories!

The next day, we had early morning breakfast with Mickey and Friends and Kaydriana finally warmed up a bit to the characters; she hated Stitch though. Lakey loved him! Then we headed to California Adventure. We started the kids off at the little kid friendly places then met up with Nana and Papa. Tim and I took an hour and went on California Screamin’ (which I did NOT want to go on!) and then the water ride (forget what it’s called). Tim really wanted to go on the Hollywood Tower of Terror. I did not, but he was going to make me go. We got our fast passes and headed back to our reservations for Ariel’s Grotto. We got meal vouchers from Costco Travel and it was the highlight of the day! We got to meet Ariel, Aurora, Snow White, and Cinderella. Snow White was awesome! She was so sweet with Kaydriana and let her hug her forever! Jim finally said something as the hug was going on a little long. But I loved it and got a little choked up! Oh and the food was really good!

After lunch Tim decided he wanted to get on the road back to Arizona, so I got to skip the Tower of Death… err Terror! The next morning we had a very early flight home and again, both kids did great on the plane. It’s awesome when strangers comment on how well behaved your kids are!  J

That morning back, I took Lake to the doctor, and now we’re full circle, back to the top where I started.

As I mentioned somewhere above, we have Lake’s ENT appointment this Wednesday. I look forward to hearing what our options are regarding his wellness! 

Seriously!?

So my last post ended with the hope that we can remain germ free for a bit of time… well, that very day Lake ended up having pink eye. Awesome!!  Thankfully we had Kaydriana’s eye drops and were able to treat him immediately. Tim ended up taking him to the doctor to confirm and gave us another prescription for more eye drops and more amoxicillin since it seems his latest ear infection still wasn’t completely cleared up.

Forward to this week and more fun ailments plague us. Since my return to work, I have moved many agent’s desks, including moving their filing cabinet and changing out the actual table on their desk. I’ve even started to lift weights again with no issues except for the typical soreness you get from a good work out. Well yesterday, my body decided it didn’t want to pretend to be strong and something went CrUnCh in my neck as I tried to push an employee’s filing cabinet. So I stopped and got someone else to move it.

Within 30 minutes I knew I really did something stupid to it. So right after I filled out the incident report and went to finally pump ( I was way over do!) I get a call from daycare.

I’m beginning to really dread when I see, “ICA” show up on my phone. Lo and behold, Lake needs to be picked up and taken to the doctor if we wish for him to be able to return to daycare the next day. He has been battling a nasty diaper infection for about a week and when his teacher noticed he had white spots on the inside of his mouth, they suspected thrush. The doctor confirmed it. I was thankful that daycare allowed Lake to return today, but between being in pain and finding out that I wouldn’t be able to nurse until Lake’s meds were done (10 days!) I was a mess. Oh and add to that I got about 4 hours of sleep, yeah, yesterday was rough.

I’ve since received some good advice and recommendations from friends regarding what I can do to still be able to nurse Lake and help prevent him passing the thrush to me. I wasn’t successful with my trip to Super Supplements and Walgreens was fresh out of Gentian Violet, but they ordered me some. In the mean time, I’m going to try to pump and feed him a bottle when I can, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night (when only mommy can comfort him), I’ll offer one breast just in case he does pass it to me. I’d rather it be contained to just one side.

I went to the chiropractor today after the Urgent Care doctor from yesterday recommend that I do. Turns out I have a tear and my muscles are cramping and getting stiff. Thankfully, my chiropractor says that since I’m starting treatment right away, he’s pretty optimistic that we can get this fixed quickly. I hope so. I do not miss my multiple times a week chiro appointments from after my car accident. I know it works with healing, but it’s just another thing to add to my list of things to do. Also, I’m not able to take muscle relaxers since I nurse, and the Naproxen I was prescribed really doesn’t provide me any relief. So I know being in the care of a chiropractor and my awesome masseuse will be the best remedy, but I already don’t have enough time in the week!

So, if anyone is counting, since Christmas, Lake has had three ear infections, and was put on steroids/inhaler for his lungs, had a nasty cold with over 101 degree temps and sore throat, pink eye, and now thrush. Kaydriana has had a double ear infection, the nasty cold with high temps, and pink eye. And then Tim and I have had colds, the stomach flu and utter exhaustion from not getting a break. I am feeling a little, “whoa is me”, but am also thankful that it isn’t worse. Our kids are “healthy” and thriving and not every parent has that blessing. I just don’t know how much more we can take without getting a break to recover and regain our energy!

I’ll end this post with, 23 DAYS!! 23 days until vacation!!! It cannot come soon enough!!

We survived

 

Man, what a difficult week we had! It all started on Friday, the 1^st, when Lake had been asleep for 11 hours straight. I woke him up (because I was about to pop!) and he felt really warm. I took his temperature and it was 101. I knew his restful night was too good to be true! I hurried and took Kaydriana to daycare and stopped by the store to get some baby acetaminophen and ib profin. By the time I returned home, about a ½ hr later, his temp rose to 101.5. I was a bit worried and decided to stay home with him all day.

He wanted to be held or nursed all day and that’s really all up to mommy.

On Saturday, he woke up to 101.5 temperature again. Since the last time he was sick, and I waited a while to take him in, only to find out he had a double ear infection, I decided I wasn’t messing around this time. I took him in and he ended up having a severe sore throat and another ear infection. This was now three times in 2 months!

So I nurse my poor baby back to health, and while his temp finally stayed down by Saturday night, he was still very cranky and snotty Sunday so we stayed home, except for watching some of the Super bowl at our neighbor’s house.

Monday I go to work all day, exhausted! My boss wasn’t too thrilled with the fact that I didn’t come in on Friday, but she “understood” I was concerned about Lake and that he needed his mom…

Tuesday was going well. I had my birthday lunch with my boss to look forward to and went to go pump before we left. That is when I discovered a missed call from the daycare. My heart sunk, thinking it was about Lake. It was Kaydriana. They called to say that she had fallen asleep during play time Outside! Obviously that was cause for concern so they took her temperature, which was 102 degrees. That morning she had woken up at 430 and would not go back to sleep. She was kind of hyper and acting silly, but seemed fine. And because I help get her dressed and brush her hair, I would have felt if she was burning up, so this came as a surprise to me.

What really added some difficulty to this situation was that I had to park at the off site parking lot and had to get gas, otherwise there would be no way I could have gotten to her. Thankfully, my Admin offered to drive me to get my car. 45 minutes after the call, I finally get to Kaydriana. She is asleep on her matt and won’t wake up for me. So I pick her up like a little baby and she starts shaking. My eyes pricked with tears, this was my little baby girl and I felt so helpless!

I get her home and lay her in bed with me after giving her some medicine to help with the fever. She slept for a couple of hours, tossing and turning and talking in her sleep. She finally wakes up absolutely drenched in sweat! Since she tells me her ears do not hurt her, I decided to not take her to the doctor and see how her fever does. She is hungry when she wakes up and that’s a good sign. I returned to work and left her in Tim’s hands for a few hours. When I get home she is laying on the couch, lethargic, and so much heat is radiating off of her skin! I give her some more medicine and when that kicks in, she’s hungry again and eating pedialyte popsicles.

Daycare says she has to be symptom free for 24 hours before she can return, so Wednesday I spend the morning with her and Tim spends the afternoon. You can always tell when the medicine kicks in because she playful and goofy. I was optimistic that I’d be able to take her to daycare on Thursdaywith no issues. That was until she comes into my room and tells me her eye hurts. Even in the darkness I can tell her eye is puffy. I turn on the light to find her eye is bright red and crusty. PINK EYE! Ugh. So again I have to tell my boss that I can’t come in until the afternoon. Thankfully, I had drops from the last pink eye bout and promptly administered drops. She went back to daycare on Friday with no incident and Tim and I were left in a daze of sick, crusty, snotty kids and now not feeling too hot ourselves.

But now it’s Monday again. We’re all basically healthy and will try to enjoy it until the next germ-fest enters our family.