What a difference a week makes!

It's crazy how fast this week has gone. Today, at exactly 11:20 I saw the time on the clock. 11:20am a week ago was my scheduled 38 week check up. I didn't get seen until closer to 11:50, but 11:20am will stick with me forever.
This past week has been tough and amazing. I've had a lot of time to think and have had flash backs to that office visit and what transpired the day Lake was born. First on my mind is that I can't help but feel cheated. I think the word, "cheated" is a bit harsh because everything happens for a reason, but as I still get weekly pregnancy progress updates from the What to Expect site, I feel like I missed out on the last weeks of my pregnancy. Now granted, I was ready to no longer be pregnant, but it's just this lingering feeling that I have.
The experience I had with going into labor with Kaydriana and her delivery was the most wonderful experience of my life. Tim feels the same way. Since Lake was taken out of me, Tim and I missed out on the bonding experience we had with Kaydriana. We were both in shock with Lake's abrupt arrival. In fact, even though I got to kind of hold him minutes later after his birth, it wasn't the instant connection I had with Kaydriana because I was still worried about being on the operating table getting blood sucked out of me and wondering how much blood I had lost and if Dr. Graham was going to be able to stop the bleeding. I do remember tears of love and amazement coming from me, but some of the tears were attributed to the scary ordeal coming to an end. I don't think Tim got emotional at all, which he did with Kaydriana. I didn't have that overwhelming, heart bursting love feeling until I was home with him and he really felt real. I'm sad about that.
I've also been thinking about what if I didn't start bleeding in the Drs office? Knowing now that the previa was still marginal, if I didn't ask about having my membranes stripped and then having that vigorous cervical check, what if I started hemorrhaging at home (while Tim was stuck at work) or while I was at work? What would have happened then? I'm really not too hung up on those, "what if's", but just something I think about and am grateful that God had all of this in His plans and that I was going to be okay.
Although I share all of these things, the truth is that we are so grateful and so in love with Lake regardless how he got here. He literally sleeps 22 hours a day. The other 2 hours he's eating or pooping. I don't remember Kaydriana sleeping That much! He's a very mild baby so far and the last few days he's been making eye contact with Tim and I. I gave him his first, "bath" today. It was more of a sponge bath, but he did well. Just a little bit of crying and as soon as I got him wrapped in his towel he was happy again. We had his newborn photo shoot yesterday and other than the hour he was awake, he was a champ and cooperated well. Kaydriana did not. I'd be surprised if we even have one good photo with her in it. She just didn't want to have her picture taken and refused to smile.
Kaydriana is warming up to her little brother more and more each day. Two days ago she finally kissed his head. She and daddy have had a lot of bonding time together. She has been a little more cranky since bringing Lake home so we're trying to combat that by giving her a bit more attention and involving her with Lake.
Tim has been doing an amazing job with Kaydriana. I know it's tough on him that I'm not able to do much. We've had a couple of rough moments, but each day I feel a little bit better and so I've been trying to spend more time downstairs to take some of the attention off of Tim. I cannot imagine Tim not being here. Having to take care of two kids with how bad I've been feeling is beyond imagination!
I'm still in pain, but have been able to live without taking the percocet all day long. I'm still taking IB profine regularly. I've been having back pain, which a lot has to do with having a new baby and being in bed, but I wonder how much might be from my car accident and going the longest amount of time since my last massage/adjustment. Ive been having some incision pain, especially when I go from a laying down to upright position. The worst is the pain that I'm having in my lower left side of my belly. It feels like I have enlarged organs that want to fall out/detach. It's probably a muscle thing, I don't know. I have to hold my hand to that area, especially in the morning. I don't know what that is or if it's normal, but its painful and I look forward to my 2 week check up to see what it could be. The pain gradually dissipates through the day as I'm more mobile, but I know I'll wake up with it again.
I'm not looking forward to Tim going back to work next Monday night, but I'm trying to not dwell on it, because I could be feeling tons better by then. Two kids... gosh, it's going to take some getting used to!
Our 4 year anniversary is tomorrow. Originally I was going to work an earlier shift so we could go out to dinner. Now, obviously, we're not going to do anything. I did tell him I wanted a nice steak dinner with stuffed mushrooms, so he has that ready to go. I'm not able to drive yet, so when my neighbor asked if she could pick me up anything, I asked her to get me a small bottle of champagne. So when Tim leaves tomorrow to drop Kaydriana off at daycare, I'll get our wedding glasses out and set it them up with the champagne to celebrate. Even though I'll only take a sip, at least it's something. :)

Lake Markuson Morris arrived!

Well, on Thursday I was prepared to write my 38 wk + 1 day update. But God had other plans. I'm going to go into minute detail because I want to be able to remember every detail of the craziest 24 hours I've ever experienced!
I'll start off with the fact that I have had a cold since Friday. My normal wake up time over the past few weeks has been 330ish, but with the cold, I was waking up at 130 and if I was lucky to fall back asleep, I'd wake up again at 330ish. Kaydriana decided that 515 was a good wake up time for her, although the previous week she was sleeping until 630. Sigh... Needless to say, Ive been exhausted! I'd get Kaydriana ready each morning and drop her off when daycare opens at 6:30am so that I could go back home and get more sleep. I woke up a few times through out the night, but I slept better than I had the previous days, so I decided that I was going to try to muscle through the day. I got some laundry done and felt the need to reorganize my hospital bag. I also had some of Lake's clothes washed and sitting on his changing table, so I got those put away so that everything in his room was perfect. I guess that was the nesting instinct finally kicking in?
I got to work on time (in fact my admin pointed out I was early, I pointed out that I was actually on time for once :) ) I had told my boss that I would complete my supervisor's reviews that are all due in August before I left on leave. I only had one left to complete and by some miracle, I banged it out real quick before I left for my "routine" check up.
I wasn't thinking that I would actually go into labor that day, but I was hopeful that Dr. Graham would say I was nicely dilated and should be prepared to go into labor soon. But I thank God that there was some drive in me to get these last minute details taken care of!
So I run (AKA waddle as quickly as I can) into my appointment and the whole office is running behind. So after about 30 minutes of waiting, I finally get in at 11:50 or so. Routine stuff: pee in a cup, get my blood pressure checked, listen to Lake's heartbeat, etc. I asked Dr. Graham if she could strip my membranes. She said that because I was at 38 weeks, she technically couldn't but that she could give me a vigorous check. So she does, warning me that it's going to hurt. She says that I am dilated to 1-2 cm and when she removes her fingers, I start to gush blood. She asked if I was registered anywhere and I told her Overlake. She said, "well girl, you're not making it to Overlake, you're having this baby in 20 minutes!" I told her I need to call Tim and she runs out of the room asking for her assistant, Hellena. She said that yes, I needed to call Tim, but I needed her to hand me my phone. By the time she does, they have a wheelchair in my room and have me get off the bed to step into it. Whatever Dr. Graham had placed in me to help stop the bleeding came out and blood started gushing out on my legs and my brown suede boots (now garbage). The put what I call, "puppy pee pads" on me and start to wheel me out of the clinic area. I try to call Tim but my fingers are all shaky trying to find the right app. Dr Graham keeps telling me that Lake is going to be fine, that I'm going to be fine. I knew that Lake was going to be fine since we just heard his heartbeat and he'd been moving all day. I was worried about me, especially since I had the image of the ultra sound photo where Dr. Case pointed out that I had a pool of blood around my cervix and that I needed to make sure Tim understood that I had previa and had to let people know in the event I started to bleed and wasn't able to respond. So yeah, I'm thinking I could hemorrhage to death. So as I'm trying to call Tim, I'm praying, asking God to forgive me and to keep us safe (I truly thought that I could die). I finally call Tim, who was in a deep sleep and tell him that I'm having an emergency c-section and that he needs to get to the hospital right away. I have just moments before we're in the O.R. and since my mom doesn't have text messaging, I decide to text my cousin. But before I can, Tim texts me back saying he has to get a hold of his mom to pick up Kaydriana. At this point, it's only 1215 and daycare doesn't close until 6. I'm trying not to get angry, but I'm scared and had to explain to him that we have time to figure that out, he just needs to get here fast. The thing is, he just dropped his truck off to get serviced so he literally has to run to the hospital. I manage this text to my cousin, "immediate c section call my mom everyone's" and didn't have time to edit before we hit the O.R.and my phone is taken from me. I'm not crying at this point, I'm using my anxiety attack breathing exercises to remain as calm as I can. But it doesn't help when my OB and the anaesthegilogist are discussing whether or not I should be put under general anaesthesia if I can get a spinal block. They check my bleeding and decide I can get the block. I was grateful! As they are trying to put my IV in (they blew my vein, not once, but twice!) my OB is holding my hand. Then it's time to put the epidural in. I'm not freaking out, because I remember that when I was having Kaydriana, the epi was no big deal. However, I now realize there is a difference when you get an epidural with no contractions to distract you. They stuck me three times the last two times were painful and I had shooting pains go to my left hip and left knee. I yelped, but it finally worked. I'm still watching the door for Tim and someone finally tells me he is here and is getting "suited up". They put the sheet up and moments later Tim comes in and is holding my hand. I've been keeping it together this whole time and just want to loose it now that Tim arrived. But I manage to remain somewhat calm, just a few tears running down my face. I can't breath because the spinal block is making it feel like someone is sitting on my chest. Also, since I've been sick since Friday, my sinuses were so congested. I was really trying to not freak out about not breathing. Within minutes they pull Lake out, I hear a bit of suctioning and then I hear him cry and they carry him over to the baby table. They said he was healthy and Tim went over to take a look. They continue to work on me and I'm trying to hear what they are saying regarding how much blood I lost (found out later it was 1,000 CCs). I asked if I was going to be okay and Dr. Graham said that I will be, they just have some work to do. I hear suctioning and it takes about 15 minutes or so before they tell me they're working on the outside stitching/stapling. During this time they put Lake on my chest so I can meet my son.

Lake Markuson Morris was born at 12:57pm 5/24/12 7lbs 12oz 20 inches long. From the time I called Tim and Lake was born was the quickest and scariest 40 minutes of my life!

 I get wheeled to recovery where I get to snuggle with my son and nurse him. I also find that I'm really drugged up and that I was given morphine. I'm trying to figure out who Tim has contacted and who we still need to tell. I called my sister to tell her her nephew was born, but thats all I could really muster out because I was so out of it. Also, I realize that work doesn't know whats going on because I received a text that said they were in the supervisor meeting wondering how my appt went. Tim ended up replying letting them know I had the baby.
Tim's mom, Ivene comes and brings Kaydriana. She is so funny. She just eyeballs her little brother like she doesn't know what to make of him. She wanted nothing to do with me with all these wires and tubes attached to me.

They didn't stay long and then we were wheeled to our room that was going to be ours during our stay. While we're being wheeled through the halls, we see our neighbor, Christy who just had their second child two weeks earlier, hanging out in the courtyard and we waive at each other. Then a few minutes later, we see our friend, Veronica who works at the same hospital and the same floor as my OB clinic. I am seen at the Overlake clinic and she works for the Swedish clinic. Apparently she heard that there was a patient wheeled in for an emergency c-section and when she saw on FB we had Lake, she figured it was probably me. It was nice to visit with her for a few moments. My mom and Lee came for a visit for a couple of hours.
The first night was tough. We didn't sleep at all. I had these vein thrombosis things squeezing my calves every 2 minutes. Also, I was in so much pain. I tried to sit up and it hurt so bad that all I could do was let the tears pour from my eyes. I was not ready to start moving! Lake did well the first night.
The next day I finally manage to get up and get the catheter removed and those leg things off. I also got a shower. Tim's parents came and brought Kaydriana and because I finally had all my wires/tubing off, she let me love on her a bit. She got close to her brother, but still didn't want to touch him. My friend, Doug from work also came by and brought me stuff that I had left at work (since I assumed I was coming back from my appointment that day.). Then LaSheika came to meet her godson.
The next night we did get a bit more sleep. Lake loves to be on my chest and the best stretch of zzz'z I got was when he was sleeping on me. He latched on really well and ate well since the beginning.
I think because of how quickly he came, it took a while for it to really sink in that he was here and he is ours.
Tim and I are now home and I'm still in pain. It's hard being home in our bed without the convenience of the hospital bed. But we've got a nice set up and we're managing. Tim is off for over a week now and he is entertaining Kaydriana and I've got Lake. I'm trying to take it as easy as possible, but easier said than done!
Well, I guess I should finally just complete this (I actually had it all completed yesterday at the hospital, but had a network issue and lost everything :( ).
I'm just so in love and grateful that Lake is here, we're healthy, and summer has officially begun. No more work for the next 4 months, woo hoo!

This picture is from when we first got home and had Kaydriana crawl into bed with Lake and I. Crackers were the motivator here :)

PS~ the hemorrhaging was caused by the placenta previa still being marginal and not resolved like previously thought.

37 weeks = full Term – Not long now!

Wow, a lot has happened since last weeks post.

My baby is now 2! I took Kaydriana’s birthday off from work so that I could make her (our) day special. It started off with waiting for daddy to get home from work to open her presents from us and the gift that my sister and her family sent. I made her a photo book of her first birthday. She loves books and loves pointing people out in the pictures. We also got her a new pair of Nikes.

Then it was on to her 24 month check up with Dr. Schrier. Kaydriana is growing perfectly. She weighed 29lbs and is 35inches -75^th percentile for weight and 90^th percentile for height. We talked about her development and according to her doctor she is a bit advanced for her vocabulary and provided me with some things that I can do to enhance it further and coach her memory skills. After a quick shot in the leg (which she didn’t even whimper at!) I dropped her off at daycare to play with her friends and have a little cupcake birthday party with them. Tim picked her up around 130pm from daycare and we took her to Toys R Us so she could pick out a toy using her Birthday Club coupon and money Great Grandma and Grandpa Kane sent her. She picked out a Strawberry Shortcake shopping cart and a fruit toy that her buddy, Everett, (our neighbor’s son) has that she loves to play with. Next stop was Cupcake Royale where she got a nice little sugar high and mommy enjoyed a toasted coconut and lime cupcake. Mmmmm…

Daddy had to leave us and go pick up his new toy – a 2006 Ford F150, so Kaydriana and I went to Downtown Bellevue Park so she could play. We fed the ducks and then had to run from the ducks. It was pretty funny, once I knew she wasn’t going to be bitten. After we got home, Kaydriana opened up her gift from Grandma Rene that arrived. It was a great day!

Friday did not go as well. My back was killing me and I couldn’t sleep. I was in so much pain in the morning with my back as well as Lake’s position. Combined with night after night of not sleeping, I could not amp myself up to get into work. In fact, I was in so much pain, sitting on the toilet trying to do my makeup with Kaydriana in the tub that I started crying. I had my hands over my eyes crying and Kaydriana thought I was playing peek-a-boo with her. It was very sweet. I ended up calling my boss, in tears, letting her know I couldn’t make it in. Thankfully she was supportive.

I had an OB appointment at 9am and had my cervix checked. No dilation or effacement. And I was told I had to pick a hospital to register at. I had a choice to deliver at the new Swedish hospital in my backyard where I’ve been going for my OB appointments or go to Overlake in Bellevue where I delivered Kaydriana. It was clear that Dr. Graham preferred that I deliver at Overlake, but was giving me the choice. The two concerns she shared with me was that my placenta is still low lying so there could be hemorrhaging  and the fact that I have big babies, could mean that Lake could need special care like a sugar shot. I think she was referring to large babies typically are caused by the mother having gestational diabetes, which I don’t have. I pointed this out to Dr. Graham and that Kaydriana didn’t need any special attention. She kept saying she was sure everything would be just fine, but with Swedish not having a NICU and the team not working together for very long and that they’ve only had 200 births so far, she feels Overlake is more equipped to handle all scenarios like a well oiled machine. Needless to say, security outweighed convenience and I registered at Overlake again. 

After a nap I was able to be seen by my chiropractor so that I could walk without holding onto anything then I joined Kaydriana for a Mothers Day Tea Party at her daycare. It was cute. Then I went into work for an hour to close the building.

Saturday was Kaydriana’s birthday party at The Little Gym. My daughter is such a ham! She wasn’t really into the instructor lead activities, but loved playing on all of the safety- mat-gymnastic apparatuses! Then whenever the music would turn on, she’d run out into the middle of the floor and start dancing. She also would do this sashay thing where she just strutted her stuff. It was if she knew this was her party and was meant to be center of attention. Everyone laughed as she continued to do this. All the kids had a blast! Kaydriana got so many cute clothes and lots of toys.  She is so spoiled!

Sunday was Mothers Day and of course that day was special, although nothing will compare to my first Mothers day when I went into labor with Kaydriana two years ago. I was really hoping we’d have a repeat performance, but nope, still pregnant! Tim took us out to breakfast, then we played at Downtown Bellevue Park and fed the ducks again. After a nap back at home, we went to the Lyda’s pool (it was an amazing 77 degrees out) and spent a couple of hours enjoying the sun and water. I LOVED being in the pool playing with Kaydriana. It made me feel weightless and I could play with her without pain. Then we headed to Tim’s sisters house along with his parents. We enjoyed sitting out on the patio. Tim played with Lucas and Anna and I got to spend quality time with his sister and mom.

So now it’s Wednesday and I’m 37 weeks. I had another OB appointment and still no dilation or effacement. Looking back at my blog while pregnant with Kaydriana, I was dilated at 1.5 cm at this point. I’m trying not to read much into it as I know things can change quickly. But I just have this feeling that I’ll need to be induced. It’s just this gut feeling that I have. Oh well, I’m trying to take it one day at a time and trying to not take it out on those around me. And good news: I found out that I was negative for Group B Strep so I don’t have to get that awful antibiotic through my IV drip when I go into labor. I know it sounds funny, but the two things I hated the most about Kaydriana’s delivery was the burning antibiotic through my veins and the blood pressure cuff that kept squeezing me as I tried to sleep.

My next appointment isn’t until Thursday the 24^th. I pray that I can sleep and be productive at work with limited pain. The end is so tough, but I’m still smiling for the most part and for that I’m grateful. 

4 weeks til D-day!

36 weeks - I don't think this shirt will stretch out any further!

Here is what What to Expect says about Lake’s growth at this point, “Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long (However, Lake was already measuring 6.5lbs a few weeks ago). He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of his first bowel movement."

We are ready for Lake’s arrival. All the important stuff is done. Crib is all set up, clothes washed and put away, hospital bag packed, etc. The only things we have left to do is take a tour of the hospital and find the second base for our car seat. Oh and charge the small digital camera… I should do that tonight. Okay, so I'm not as ready as I thought!

Tim, Kaydriana and I went to the Gymboree on Saturday with a gift a card that I got at my shower and purchased Lake’s going home outfit. Their newborn sizes only go up to 7lbs and considering our guy is looking big, we went with the 0-3 month size.

Friday is my next appointment with Dr. Graham. I’m not sure if she’ll do an internal exam, but I hope she does. I still continue to have cramping and BH contractions, which most are pretty uncomfortable. I’m curious if things are, “progressing”.

Sunday was pretty bad. I woke up at 3am with my hips aching and really uncomfortable cramping. I felt the same way I did the day I went into labor with Kaydriana. The difference being of course that with Kaydriana I was 4 days late when those feelings hit (she was born the following day). With Lake, I still have 4 weeks to go. So I knew I wasn’t going into labor, but it did not feel good. I took a bath and laid on the couch most of the morning. I was really bummed because church was having a special event I really wanted to go to, but simply couldn’t go. I started to feel a bit better in the afternoon, but worn out.

Tomorrow, my one year old princess will be 2! I can’t believe that awesome day she was born is already two years in the past. Kaydriana brings so much joy and laughter into our lives. She is so funny, loving, sweet, and feisty. I’m as excited for her birthday tomorrow as I am for my birthdays. I can’t wait to make her feel special and have a special day with her – I’m taking a vacation day. The agenda is to give her her gifts from mommy and daddy and Aunt Breanna/Uncle Will in the morning, take her to her 2 yr doctor appointment, (I know, I’m such a nice mom J) then drop her off at daycare for a couple of hours so I can go to my back appointments and run some errands. Then, I’ll pick her up after nap time, take her to Toys R Us where she’ll get her free birthday surprise from Geoffrey the Giraffe and she’ll get to pick a present using my coupon and the $ she got from Great Grandma (thx G-ma!), then I’ll take her to Cupcake Royale so we can both enjoy cupcakes, then take her to the park. Tim will join us for the Toys R Us and cupcake fun before he has to head to work.

Saturday will be her birthday party with friends and family at The Little Gym. We chose to pay to have her birthday party in doors somewhere because the weather is unpredictable. Well guess what!? Its supposed to be one of the nicest days of the year on Saturday, so we could have saved money by just having the party outside in our park. Oh well, I guess it’s worth not having to deal with the stress. And the party at the Gym really does look like it will be fun for the kids and the adults just get to relax as the instructor will do all the work.

God has been answering a lot of prayers lately and we have some pretty exciting prospects coming up in our near future. Because I want to be careful of what is put out in the world wide web, I can’t get into detail here. But things are falling into place where my goal of being able to go part time is looking more and more feasible. When things are official, I’ll be sure to post about it!

35 Weeks

Mr. Lake is making my "clearance" to move around a bit difficult. As you can see, he's sticking out quite a bit!

I feel a lot less emotional and negative compared to last week. I'm ready to just go with the flow and not try to control anything because I AM NOT IN CONTROL! The only thing I can control is how I react and I don't want to be, "Debbie Downer" for the last weeks of my pregnancy.
So I have a new attitude and am trying to enjoy the time I have left with the little guy inside of me.

I had a dream last night that Lake was born. In my dream he had a lot of crazy, thick, dark brown hair. Tim couldn't be there for the birth because he was working. But in my dream I was just disappointed, not mad :)

This past Saturday was my last shower (baby that is). I had a great time with my girlfriends. I absolutely love the opportunities to sit back and talk and laugh with the girls! I got a lot of gifts from my registry and was able to return a couple of things. So along with store credit and gift cards I got everything else we needed. We are officially ready for Lake's arrival!  We have his crib all set up, hospital bag is packed, nursing bras and pump were picked up from storage and washed, and by tomorrow the rest of our shipments from online shopping will arrive. So now we just wait....

At the shower, Kaydriana would not be upstaged by her little brother! She had pooped a little bit in her diaper. I knew she wasn't done. She made it pretty clear that she was trying to go again and Kim asked her if she had to poop. Kaydriana said yes and walked over to the potty (which is now kept downstairs). We helped her pull her tights down and take off her diaper and gave her a book (I have a great picture I'll have to post later). A few minutes later I hear her potty chair singing, which indicates she made a, "deposit". Sure enough I stand her up and there is a whole bunch of poop in there!! We all cheered for her which made her look scared, but then she realized we were happy for her and she kept pointing to her chair saying, "poop".
It was AWESOME! She hasn't gone to the bathroom in her toilet since, but she is getting better about letting me know her diaper needs to be changed, so we're moving in the right direction.

We don't have anything planned for this weekend since I work Saturday (my LAST Saturday shift!), but then we're gearing up for Kaydriana's 2nd birthday. I took the day off and I'm not exactly sure what we'll do other than go to her two year wellness child appointment. But we'll do something fun. Then her birthday party is Saturday the 12th at the Little Gym. That should be fun.

We just received confirmation yesterday from church that we'll get to have Lakes Dedication on August 5th, which is the weekend Rene and Jordan will be in town visiting. It will be really special to have them and Breanna there :)

Well, I guess that's it for this week.