Frustrated - 34 weeks

I’ll start today’s entry with my burgeoning belly shot here at 34 weeks:

This week has been difficult! I’ll start in chronological order starting with this past Sunday. Tim worked OT so I was on my own Sunday morning. I slept okay, but woke up feeling absolutely drained. Then Kaydriana was giving me a really hard time. I felt like I just wanted to slap her (which is hard for me to admit because it makes me feel like a failure) but knew I didn’t really want to because that would not teach her any kind of lesson. I just couldn’t take it. I burst into tears and couldn’t stop crying. I text Tim telling him I was loosing my mind. He called me, feeling helpless since he couldn’t do anything, and I couldn’t really articulate what was wrong, I just cried. So I got off the phone with him and he text me a few moments later suggesting I get out the play-dough or crayons to entertain her. It was then I decided I should turn on the Disney channel as that was an easy distraction (and one I wouldn’t have to clean up after). I felt absolutely drained, but better. Tim came home a few hours later and I laid down. I couldn’t actually fall asleep, but it felt nice to rest. It was then I started having some heart palpitations.

We were then invited to enjoy the sun and burgers at Asa and LaSheika’s, which was fun and relaxing. On the way home, I had more heart palpitations. That night I couldn’t sleep at all. My heart kept skipping a beat and fluttering and making me feel like I couldn’t breath and get enough oxygen. Kaydriana woke up at 4:45am and my heart was still going crazy and I felt very light headed. I googled what I should do and everything said for me to go to the ER.

Thankfully, Tim was home so I left Kaydriana with him and went to the ER (in my backyard). They do an EKG for like 2 minutes and of course the palpitations I’ve had non-stop decided to take a break while I was being monitored. Grrr. But they did tell me I had borderline dehydration, which could cause palpitations, so they pumped me with a liter of fluids. They also found I had a bladder infection. Here is a picture of me in all my glory – I was bored and tired of listening to the dementia patient next door screaming in agony:

I went to work a few hours later and proceeded to have palpitations all day and all night again. I did some online research and found that what is most likely causing my palpitations are stress (I have non-stop stress in my life right now) and anemia, which I’ve had all throughout my pregnancy. The ER docs didn’t ask me anything about stress or if I was anemic. And no website mentioned anything about dehydration. I can’t wait to get the ER bill for little to no benefit (I could have easily just paid $15 to see my primary care doc).

Tuesday – I start having non stop contractions because I had back to back to back manager calls. Awesome. My job is so freakin’ stressful, it’s going to lead me to premature labor.

Then the “big appointment” was today. I had my last ultra sound to see if my placenta previa has been resolved. Technically, it is. The requirement for them to call it resolved is that the placenta be 25mm from my cervix. And it is right at the 25mm mark. So Dr Case (the physician/radiologist) says it’s up to Dr. Graham to figure out the best plan of action. At least I got to see my beautiful boy – he is measuring about 6lbs right now!

I had my appointment with Dr. Graham scheduled an hour after the U/S. For weeks leading up to this appointment I was expecting to learn that I’d either need to have a scheduled C-section or that I can look forward to having a vaginal delivery. Instead, I hear that because it’s moved just enough to consider it resolved, but still too close for comfort, that we’ll just have to wait and see how things go when I go into labor. If I bleed too much, they’ll wheel me in for an emergency C-section. That is what really got to me. I know that even if they gave me the all clear for a vaginal delivery, there is always the possibility of having a C-section. And if Dr. Graham told me I’d have to have a c-section for sure, I was looking at the bright side, that at least I’d know when Lake was coming and can arrange care for Kaydriana and make sure that Tim would be there for me. So now I don’t get the benefit of having the security of knowing the date and I don’t have the assurance that everything will be ok when I go into labor naturally. I wanted to burst into tears, but I held it together because there were other things that I needed to talk to Dr. Graham about like managing my stress. I told her about my palpitations and contractions. She said that there are anti-depressant drugs that are okay to take during pregnancy that could help with stress, but she’d want me to see a counselor first. Well, I know what is causing me stress: 1. Work! 2. Tim’s work schedule 3. An almost 2 year old at home. I don’t need a counselor for that. And I do NOT want to take any drugs. I asked if it’s okay if I start going for walks as exercise has always helped me with stress, but I had to be as restful as possible to help alleviate the cramping and contractions. But since the U/S showed that my cervix was still long and strong, it was very unlikely that walking will make me go into labor in the next 2 weeks. The reason why she mentioned 2 weeks is because any progress towards labor before I hit 36 weeks would be a big concern. So at this point walks are okay. She also said, flippantly, that I could stop working. I replied with, “I wish!”. I knew if she thought that I should, she would have said something more towards the effect of writing me out of work. I took her comment to mean more like quitting my job. Well, obviously unless I won the lotto, that’s not an option.  But I’m going to start going on walks each day and see if I feel like that helps with managing my stress.

After talking with my cousin and my boss, I’m reminded (yet again!) that I should be giving this to God. Danielle pointed out that God has already provided for us in this situation, considering Tim has earned some paid time off to be able to be home with me for a week after the baby is born. And Jamie, who knows very well how I hold onto stressful things, reminded me I just need to let things go and give them to God. I thought I was since I had been praying that if I learned that I have to have a c-section that God give me a peace about it. But in hindsight, I was asking for a specific scenario. I’m such a control freak. I need to give it ALL to God, just not what I want to give up to Him. Thankfully, God has placed people in my life to remind me of how big HE is J

So besides letting go of the things I have no control over, I did decide that I will talk to Dr. Graham about my concerns regarding Tim’s work schedule and having someone available to watch Kaydriana and see if she’d be willing to just go ahead and schedule me a C-section. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

On a totally different note, yesterday operation, “Potty Train Kaydriana” commenced. After having her diaper-less for an hour and her sitting on the potty, then getting up and dancing and singing, she started peeing on the floor and I quickly got her onto her potty where a few drops went in. The potty started singing (as it’s designed to do when deposit is made) and I tried to explain to Kaydriana that was a really good try. I don’t think she really gets it, but we’ll keep at it!

7 weeks left!

33 weeks!

So last week I left off at not knowing if I should go to my OBs office before or after I got to work. I went to work on time and went to see the midwife as my OB was on vacation. I didn't have any contractions once I woke up Thursday morning (though I did have them in the middle of the night). The midwife did not end up doing an internal check since they generally don't like to have to do that so early. Also, since I was able to get my contractions to stop and knowing I was going in for an ultra sound in two weeks, she didn't think it was necessary and I didn't push the issue.

I still have contractions on a daily basis, but have been much more diligent in taking time to rest and drinking lots of water. I have cramping a few times a week. Sunday I took a much needed bath and two hour nap and the cramping went away.

Today marks the one week mark until my last u/s to check on the previa. I feel like God is giving me peace regarding whatever it is we'll learn. Sure, I don't want to be cut open, but with Tim working nights I do like the idea of knowing the exact date Lake would arrive. So either way, I'm okay with. Now, ask me next week and my feelings could change, but right now, I feel at peace :)

Lake is still moving and shaking tons, however he is shy when it comes to showing off. I swear he moves almost non-stop except when someone wants to feel him move. Sounds just like Kaydriana. She doesn't like to show off her singing or dancing talents for anyone but mommy and daddy.

Speaking of Kaydriana, oh my gosh - she melted my heart last night. The last two nights she insisted on putting a diaper on her baby. Last night she got out a diaper and grabbed her wipes and maticulously undid the tabs (took her a bit of time) and put the diaper on her baby. Then she picked it up and rocked it and said, "shh shh shh". She is going to be such a loving big sister! And helpful, I'm sure!

This past weekend was awesome! Saturday morning my grandma hosted a baby shower for me with the women in my family. I got some practical stuff (My Aunt Ann has a lot of experience on what new moms need!), BRU gift cards (Yay!) and my Grandma gave me Lake's quilt she made for him. Her 49th!

Then, later that day, we met up with one of my old co-workers who started her own photography business to do our maternity photos. I've only seen the three below and I am just so excited to see the rest!

Kaydriana was a bit of a pill. She just wanted to play of course, so the pictures that turned out well are by some miracle (or quick shutter speed!). And I couldn't get her to kiss my belly like we'd been practicing for weeks leading up to the shoot. And she wouldn't smile on demand. Typical almost two year old I suppose.

I'll end with this little tidbit from WTE on how our 33 week old is progressing:

Your baby is still gaining weight (about half a pound a week), and he could grow up to another full inch this week. With that much baby inside your uterus, your amniotic-fluid level has maxed out, which explains why some of his pokes and kicks feel pretty sharp these days.

Day 225

When I started this post yesterday, I didn't have much to write about. But I didn't get to finish because I was having Braxton Hicks contractions that started to get stronger and more frequent. I had 4-5 pretty uncomfortable ones that started radiating to my back within an hour. I called my OBs office and they wanted me to go into labor and delivery. With Tim out of town, training in Olympia and I having Kaydriana, I really wanted to avoid going into L&D. I asked her opinion if she thought it would be okay if I tried to go home first and taking a bath, drinking lots of fluids, etc to see if it would help and she that I could. But if that doesn't work, to go into L&D.

So I go home and guzzle tons of water, I have just one contraction on my way home and got in the bathtub and only had one more. By the time I had to pick up Kaydriana from daycare, it had been an hour since my last contraction. So I pick up dinner (so I don't have to spend too much time on my feet making something - besides Chinese sounded really good!) and hang out on the couch.

Last night I slept horribly. Stupid Chinese food caused me heartburn and I felt kind of crampy. This morning, my insides feel a little beat up. I can't really figure out if I feel crampy-I think I do, but not too bad. I haven't had a BH yet. My OB said that if I still have contractions to come in and get checked today and maybe have a U/S. Since I'm still not out of the woods yet with the previa, I'm sure their biggest concern is going into labor with it not being corrected yet.

At this point I don't know if I should go into work and wait to see my doc or stay home and wait.

So until I decide what to do, here is my 32 week photo:

I weighed myself and I've gained 39lbs so far. My goal was not to gain more than 50 with this pregnancy. We'll see... especially since I'm supposed to take it easy, which means little to no excerise for me.

Oh! And I've started swelling :( At least I made it 4 weeks longer than I did with Kaydriana. I have my maternity shoot this weekend and really hoping that I'm not too swollen for it. Also I have a get together with the women of my family at my grandmas to celebrate Lake's pending arrival. I have a lot to look forward to this weekend and hope I'm able to enjoy them.

I was thinking about how the next three weekends I have fun things planned and how bed rest would ruin them. Crossing my fingers the contractions/cramping don't hinder all the things I have to look forward to.

I'll leave you with this photo- I received a samle of a newborn diaper when I updated my BRU registry and compared it to Kaydriana's size 5. I feel like the photo doesn't really show how tiny the diaper is, but it almost brought tears to my eyes imaging Lake fitting his little bum in this tiny diaper :)

31 weeks

9 weeks and counting!

I've been praying for good news at our next ultra sounds in a few weeks and trying to learn more about previa and C-sections. I found it interesting that menstrual like cramping was mentioned on one of the sites I looked at, but my OB has never mentioned that having to do with my previa. On Friday I had pretty severe cramping that caused me to have to leave work and rest. I hadn't had any cramping for weeks and have been feeling pretty good, then bam! It's back :( I've gotten a lot of questions about what previa is and I found a good photo that shows what it looks like:

Speaking of Friday, I had a surprise baby shower, which I almost ruined because I left early due to cramping.

My administrative assistant, Midge is the sweetest lady. She knew I was feeling pretty bad and asked if I was leaving right then. I thought she asked because she was going to help me to my car. I told her I couldn't move right then, that it would be a few minutes and she runs off. When she came back she asked if I could stop by the break room (I thought it was because she needed me to check on what food I wanted her to label from a luncheon we had earlier in the week). I go to the break room, and head straight to the fridge that I put my lunch in. When I closed the fridge, I looked up and saw a bunch of people standing around a decorated table with gifts. I was completely suprised, which I've never been before. My first response was, "Oh, I'm sorry that I feel like crap!". But I decided to stay and open my gifts and put my feet up on a chair. I was so touched that I didn't want to just run and dash.

Paris and Lauren (from my old dept) brought all my stuff down to my truck and Tryfena made me a beautiful cake and lots of cupcakes decorated as baseballs. I got diapers, clothes, BRU gift cards and $220! The money was meant to buy me a double stroller - so cool!

My friend Sarah has got me interested in checking out Craigslist so I browsed it and found so many double strollers that not only can I buy a double stroller, I can get another pack-n-play! I haven't purchased them yet because I don't know when I'll have the time to actually go buy and pick them up, but knowing that $220 will go a long way, makes me happy!

I am off work today and tomorrow for my Easter and my Saturday (I'll be working Fri and Sat). Today was great. I dropped Kaydriana off at daycare, watched Sunday's episode of MadMen, layed in bed to read and took a nice long nap. Then I spent some time in Lakes room organizing the clothes I got from my neighbor, Christy and then took the risk of going to our storage unit.

The goal was to find our Easter stuff (no luck) but also to grab Kaydriana's clothes she's grown out of to give to Christy and Seth. We decided to swap clothes. Their son, Everett was born 3 weeks after Kaydriana and they're now due with a daughter 2.5 weeks before our son - so it's perfect! Same time of year clothing that will work perfect for both our kiddos.

However, after climbing and pulling up heavy things (and breaking an $80 Christmas snow globe :( ), and organizing the clothes into sizes, keeping, selling, donating, my back is jacked!! I might have to go in for a impromptu chiro adjustment tomorrow.

Oh and hopefully this doesn't disturb anyone, but I've been amazed at my belly button changes. I don't have a before pregnancy picture of my belly button, but with these two photos, 4 weeks apart, you can see the difference. My tummy around my belly button hurts most days and I feel like it just wants to pop out and it's making its way there:

Kaydriana was so cute last night-she wrapped her baby doll into her blanky and rocked her back and forth saying, "shh shh shh". I tried to capture it on video, but everytime I turned on the recorder she'd stop and come to watch the video. She is going to make a great big sister!

On Saturday we took Kaydriana to the Costco Easter Egg hunt. Kaydriana was in the 0-2 age group, so with her being one of the oldest kids in her group, she got a lot of eggs! She ended up winning one of the big prizes which was a Costco Easter basket full of good chocolate (yay for me!) and a plush doggy, which she adores. It also came with 10 movie tickets! Score!

Last night I found my self really sad and just bawled. This Easter will be Tim's first Easter with Kaydriana. Last year we had just learned my dad had cancer and Kaydriana and I flew down to California. It was such a great trip with great memories and momentos. My dad bought Kaydriana and Reid toys, which Kaydriana still has has. She sleeps with her lamby each night, and often plays with the wheeled barnyard animals, the micky mouse bouncy ball, and the barnyard singing toy. I'm sure it didn't help my emotional state that the bouncy ball is becoming deflated. I know these toys won't last forever, but with this being the first Easter since my dad's passing, I'm missing him a lot.

Okay, I don't want to start crying again, so I'll end this post with baby Lake's 31 week progress:
This week, your growing baby is around 3lbs (Lake was already measuring 3.5lbs a few weeks ago) and 17 inches tall. With each added layer of fat, your baby's wrinkly raisin skin starts to look more and more like it will when he's born. You can expect him to gain about a half a pound of weight per week from now until about two weeks before birth.

And here is my 31 wk belly: