26 weeks

I don’t know how I’m still awake, let alone able to put a sentence together, but I’m going to try. Today marks 26 weeks.
This is going to be a long post!
Here is what the “officials” say about little Lake’s development thus far:
The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches from head to heel. If you're having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.Your wee babe's eyelids have finally opened. In addition to taking in their first visual impressions of their comfy amniotic-filled studio, your little human-bean recently acquired the ability to move their head around and your little super star’s head hair is starting to grow in! Your wee piggy's toenails have recently grown in and they're still slowly piling up fat beneath their still-loose-n-wrinkly skin.

Towards the end of last week I started feeling decent. The antibiotics were kicking in, making it possible to finally breath through both nostrils. My chiro has also been doing some pressure points to help relieve the congestion that has been plaguing my face for weeks. Sunday I felt well enough (and had my taste back) to use our gift card to go out to eat. It was awesome to get out of the house! Sunday night came around and I started feeling like I was coming down with another cold. YES, ANOTHER COLD! (Cuz 30 days of non stop crud wasn't enough)

So far this cold has not been as bad, however I cant breath through my nose and I sneeze constantly. And the blowing of my nose for weeks on end have left my nose and lips so raw. I’m one hot mess.

Monday morning I was dealing with escalated member issues all morning. In the afternoon I felt the cramping coming on again. My first thought was that maybe my cramping has to do with stress coupled with the fact my body has been trying fight a cold for over a month while growing a baby! I took a long lunch and came back to work about 2.5 hours later.

Then yesterday the cramping hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up feeling a little weird, but I had breakfast and had Kaydriana take a shower with me. Part of our shower routine is that when we are done washing up, I plug up the tub and fill it with water so she can play while I get ready. We sing and she pretends to swim, it’s one of the highlights in my day. Anyway, I get out of the shower and I sit on the toilet (seat down – I wouldn’t share THAT much info with you!) and the cramping just comes on quick. I breath and try to asses what it is that I’m feeling and sure enough, the cramping is undeniable. I burst into tears. Because my bathroom is on the 3rd floor and Tim was on the bottom level, I had to call him on my cell and ask him to come get Kaydriana out of the tub so that I could go lay down. I ended up going to work around 2pm. The cramping had subsided, but left me feeling beat up and weary.

And just a note about me and work- the reason I struggle with working when maybe I shouldn’t be, is for good reason. I am a manager and when healthy I’m typically working 45-50 hours a week. I am counted on to be here to close down the building M-W and I have a large team of people who count on me to run the business. I’ve always taken great pride in being one of the youngest managers ever to be promoted at corporate and before becoming pregnant with Kaydriana, was counted on to say yes to anything because I was so dedicated. While my dedication to motherhood is now stronger, I still want to do a good job and not let anyone down. My boss says she understands that and I’m supported by my director and our overall GM (because they know my track record). I was asked that if I’m not feeling well, if possible to either come in late or take a long lunch so I can close the building and not have to ask anyone else to do that for me. As I am able, I figure that is the least that I could do. Additionally, I’m trying to save as much of my vacation and sick pay as possible to extend my maternity leave. Since I’m salaried, as long as I work part of the day, I get my full day of pay.

So, now that that is out of the way… back to yesterday. I text a few friends to ask them for prayers because I was feeling so discouraged about the cramping. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything. One of my friends, a pastor, text me back this message that really helped me focus back onto giving this whole situation up to God: “Press into Him and take refuge under the shadow of His mighty wings. Close to Him is where want to be and the only thing that needs to be accomplished. Be encouraged and surrender your will to His. His plans are far greater than ours. Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.” At that moment I prayed that God keep this baby safe ( I pray that prayer daily) and help me to surrender control of this pregnancy, because the fact is, I am not in control. If I am put on bed rest, I want to be able to accept it and know that this is God’s will for this pregnancy. I felt a peace come over me and I just embraced what was. So as much as I want to know what is causing the cramping and try to avoid it, clearly there is no rhyme or reason and I need to stop getting so frustrated and angry.

Today is Wednesday and I have no cramping (yay!) but I didn’t sleep at all. So there were tears today, but tears of being so unbelievably tired. I’ve decided, tears are okay. But being frustrated and discouraged every moment that something isn’t right, is not okay.

Kaydriana has been sleeping well in her bedroom. Last week Tim finally got her napping in there too. However, he did reveal to me he had been giving her a binky! Cheater!!! So this weekend I had put her down to nap with no binkies and while one bed time she cried for her binky, we’ve been mostly successful without it. Last night the poor thing was up crying through out the night. At 2 am when she woke again and didn’t go back to sleep on her own, I tried to sooth her. I sat on the ground and rocked her to sleep, but she woke up screaming again. When I got her calmed down enough she was asking for “Titi” (Griffey) and I told her he was nigh-night. Then she asked for daddy. Again, told her he was nigh-night. Then she said, “I go bite-a” her way of asking for a bite of something that I’m eating. So I asked if she was hungry and she said, “yeah”. I was hearing her tummy make noises earlier, but she had burped so I thought it was just gas. Turns out, it was her tummy growling. So went down stairs and had a little snack and she finally went to bed without a peep. I look forward to her communication becoming much stronger and more reliable :)
And I totally forgot to take pictures of her room again. Maybe next week...