What a difference a week makes!

It's crazy how fast this week has gone. Today, at exactly 11:20 I saw the time on the clock. 11:20am a week ago was my scheduled 38 week check up. I didn't get seen until closer to 11:50, but 11:20am will stick with me forever.
This past week has been tough and amazing. I've had a lot of time to think and have had flash backs to that office visit and what transpired the day Lake was born. First on my mind is that I can't help but feel cheated. I think the word, "cheated" is a bit harsh because everything happens for a reason, but as I still get weekly pregnancy progress updates from the What to Expect site, I feel like I missed out on the last weeks of my pregnancy. Now granted, I was ready to no longer be pregnant, but it's just this lingering feeling that I have.
The experience I had with going into labor with Kaydriana and her delivery was the most wonderful experience of my life. Tim feels the same way. Since Lake was taken out of me, Tim and I missed out on the bonding experience we had with Kaydriana. We were both in shock with Lake's abrupt arrival. In fact, even though I got to kind of hold him minutes later after his birth, it wasn't the instant connection I had with Kaydriana because I was still worried about being on the operating table getting blood sucked out of me and wondering how much blood I had lost and if Dr. Graham was going to be able to stop the bleeding. I do remember tears of love and amazement coming from me, but some of the tears were attributed to the scary ordeal coming to an end. I don't think Tim got emotional at all, which he did with Kaydriana. I didn't have that overwhelming, heart bursting love feeling until I was home with him and he really felt real. I'm sad about that.
I've also been thinking about what if I didn't start bleeding in the Drs office? Knowing now that the previa was still marginal, if I didn't ask about having my membranes stripped and then having that vigorous cervical check, what if I started hemorrhaging at home (while Tim was stuck at work) or while I was at work? What would have happened then? I'm really not too hung up on those, "what if's", but just something I think about and am grateful that God had all of this in His plans and that I was going to be okay.
Although I share all of these things, the truth is that we are so grateful and so in love with Lake regardless how he got here. He literally sleeps 22 hours a day. The other 2 hours he's eating or pooping. I don't remember Kaydriana sleeping That much! He's a very mild baby so far and the last few days he's been making eye contact with Tim and I. I gave him his first, "bath" today. It was more of a sponge bath, but he did well. Just a little bit of crying and as soon as I got him wrapped in his towel he was happy again. We had his newborn photo shoot yesterday and other than the hour he was awake, he was a champ and cooperated well. Kaydriana did not. I'd be surprised if we even have one good photo with her in it. She just didn't want to have her picture taken and refused to smile.
Kaydriana is warming up to her little brother more and more each day. Two days ago she finally kissed his head. She and daddy have had a lot of bonding time together. She has been a little more cranky since bringing Lake home so we're trying to combat that by giving her a bit more attention and involving her with Lake.
Tim has been doing an amazing job with Kaydriana. I know it's tough on him that I'm not able to do much. We've had a couple of rough moments, but each day I feel a little bit better and so I've been trying to spend more time downstairs to take some of the attention off of Tim. I cannot imagine Tim not being here. Having to take care of two kids with how bad I've been feeling is beyond imagination!
I'm still in pain, but have been able to live without taking the percocet all day long. I'm still taking IB profine regularly. I've been having back pain, which a lot has to do with having a new baby and being in bed, but I wonder how much might be from my car accident and going the longest amount of time since my last massage/adjustment. Ive been having some incision pain, especially when I go from a laying down to upright position. The worst is the pain that I'm having in my lower left side of my belly. It feels like I have enlarged organs that want to fall out/detach. It's probably a muscle thing, I don't know. I have to hold my hand to that area, especially in the morning. I don't know what that is or if it's normal, but its painful and I look forward to my 2 week check up to see what it could be. The pain gradually dissipates through the day as I'm more mobile, but I know I'll wake up with it again.
I'm not looking forward to Tim going back to work next Monday night, but I'm trying to not dwell on it, because I could be feeling tons better by then. Two kids... gosh, it's going to take some getting used to!
Our 4 year anniversary is tomorrow. Originally I was going to work an earlier shift so we could go out to dinner. Now, obviously, we're not going to do anything. I did tell him I wanted a nice steak dinner with stuffed mushrooms, so he has that ready to go. I'm not able to drive yet, so when my neighbor asked if she could pick me up anything, I asked her to get me a small bottle of champagne. So when Tim leaves tomorrow to drop Kaydriana off at daycare, I'll get our wedding glasses out and set it them up with the champagne to celebrate. Even though I'll only take a sip, at least it's something. :)