Take this job and...

Well, I won't finish the saying, but you get it.  

The first two weeks back to work were okay. I got emotional a few times, missing my little guy. I feel bad that I didn't/don’t miss Kaydriana as much, but she has always loved daycare and she doesn't need me as much as Lake needs me. And I need him. Even though I was tired at work, I kicked butt, initiating two new programs and feeling really motivated. I felt like the old me again!

But now I’m in my 3^rd week back and it is the WEEK FROM HELL!! Mondays are hard for me in general because I just spent two, very fast days just being a mommy to my babies. I come into work on Monday and my boss tells me that I have to do 2 hours of overtime (OT) a day. I thought I was doing pretty well. I come in about 15 min early most days and skipping lunch most days. I started crying at my boss’s desk. I already feel like I don’t get enough time with my kids and now I have to jack up our routines (not easy when you've worked to establish a t routine for months!), spend LESS time with my kids and not even get to see Tim in the mornings because I’m leaving at 730 when he’s getting home.

Even before this week hit, I could barely manage to brush my teeth before falling into bed after I get the kids to sleep.  Its even worse this week. I had to finish my make up at work, drop the kids off in their PJs, Thursday I didn’t do my hair (thankfully, I was able to make a little ponytail nub). I had to cancel my two lunches I had scheduled this week with friends. The only “breaks” I get are when I pump. While it’s relaxing, it’s not a break.

Wednesday took the cake. I had two angry, demanding member issues that escalated to me. I spent over 2.5 hours on one issue, even though he didn’t deserve anything special. He was just a jerk! The other issue I worked on had me checking my email all night and morning outside of work. It’s all very infuriating. I keep thinking about how this is NOT how I want to be spending my time.

Thankfully, this week has driven us to start taking some action. Tim and I started filling out another home loan application to see about getting a new home. I won’t get into all the details right now, but the first step in me stepping down and going part time is moving, then figuring out childcare. Actually, getting out of debt is really the first step, which we should be able to mostly do by the end of the month.

Tim and I are both very ready for change. As long as I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, then I can hold on. Hopefully I can keep the anger and tears at bay long enough to make it through this rough patch.