Nursing

Not knowing for sure if Lake will be my last baby, I really want to make sure I capture the memories and feelings of my favorite parts of being a mother to a baby. I certainly didn’t take for granted these precious times when Kaydriana was a baby, but I knew I’d have the opportunity to experience baby stuff again.

So that said, I really want to record how amazing breastfeeding my children is.

I nursed Kaydriana until she was 12.5 months old. I don’t recall all the details, but towards the final weeks, I was really only nursing her right before bed. I loved our routine! I’d feed her, sing her a couple of songs and lay her in her crib. She was sleep trained, so she and I would cuddle, but she would stay awake and when I laid her down, she’d suck away on her pacifier, looking up at me contently as I closed her door behind me.

With my boy, our routine is different. I haven’t been successful in sleep training him. Mostly because I haven’t been able to do the cry it out with him. Being home at night by myself while Tim works and the fact that I didn’t want to wake Kaydriana up, I really didn’t feel like I could let Lake cry. I should have just stuck to it and dealt with the possibility of Kaydriana waking up due to her brother’s wails while I was on maternity leave, but I didn’t. And now Lake will cry forever! I feel stuck with having to nurse him to sleep and when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he is unable to self soothe and will just cry and cry. And now that I’ve created this habit, I can’t simply go in and rock him for a few moments to settle him down. He smells milk and will only calm down with nursing. He will fall asleep within moments at the breast! Not every time, but most times.

His sleeping habits aren’t really the reason for this post, but certainly it plays a huge role in my breast feeding experience with him.

Lake is funny, when I nurse him, he hits, smacks or scratches me. I don’t know why, it’s not like he is trying to beat me up, but it’s like he can’t stop moving. Of course, that makes me think he could have inherited his daddy’s ADHD, but only time will tell. If I try to feed him with Kaydriana around, forget it! He always has his eyes and ears ready to see his sissy. If she comes around me when I’m feeding him, he rips away to look at her. That becomes very messy, and a bit painful! But sometimes, he’ll hold onto my fingers and just look up at me. I can’t describe the love during those moments.

I love that he hungrily goes after the breast. If I get him into position and am too slow with getting it to him, he squeals, grunts, and smacks his lips. I love it! However, now that he has teeth, he tends to bite down when he is done. My poor nipples! Today they feel like they did when he was first born – ouch!

Early on with feeding both of the kids, I’d get this crazy surge of hormones that would make me feel extremely giddy right before my milk let down. It’s super weird, but it’s an awesome feeling. I still get that occasionally, but pretty rarely now.

The worst part of breast feeding is that in order to keep it up, I have to pump at work. Pumping is the worst!! I know there are moms who exclusively pump, and I’m sure they have their reasons, but ugh… I hate it! Of course, the fact that I have to do it at work, in a cold closet and clean the equipment in the lunch room, really isn’t enjoyable.

My BFing goal with Lake is to make it longer than I did with Kaydriana. However, I do look forward to getting my body back, just to me. Between the time I finished nursing Kaydriana, to getting pregnant with Lake, I only had 4 months “to myself”. I look forward to being able to diet or eat what I want, or take supplements, without worrying how it will effect my offspring. In the meantime, I will not take any of these precious moments for granted. 

First day home from the hospital, nursing Kaydriana

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Love it when he holds onto mommy

Love these moments