Family Over Money

I’ve been thinking for a while how I wanted to write this blog entry. I realize it’s mostly my closest loved ones who read my blog, and many know of the conflict I’ve been faced with since becoming a mom 3 years and 4 months ago. But for the sake of reflection, clarification, and maybe being able to help someone else out in my situation, I wanted to post this.

I grew up poor. I grew up with more challenges than most kids in America do- from not knowing where I’d be sleeping next week, to not knowing where we were going to get our next meal, not knowing when I’d get shoes without holes in them, or if I was going to be safe from predators… Bottom line, if I was going to be successful in life, I had an uphill battle.

Thankfully, I had a very loving extended family that always came to our/my rescue before things got desolate. I also accepted Jesus as my savior when I was young, so I always had a reason to hope, believe and strive for a better life.

I truly believe God had a plan for me and lead me to the direction that I went in life. After the army rejected me (there went my college plans) and with my family getting evicted from our apartment right after high school graduation, I made the decision to move to California to have an opportunity to develop a relationship with my dad and his family. After 6 weeks, I moved back to WA and was so grateful my Aunt and Uncle gave me a place to stay. Next stop was a job. I had a high school friend that worked at Costco and at the time, they had the highest starting wage, $8!

November 11^th, 1999, I got a seasonal job in the bakery at the Aurora Village Costco in North Seattle. This was the first time in my life that my livelihood depended on my work performance, and I did not disappoint. I was only 1 of 2 people offered a permanent job after seasonal period had ended. Unfortunately, that was in the food court, and I knew I did not want to sling hot dogs for a living! At that time, I had moved in with some friends who worked at the warehouse and they had heard about an opening in the Call Center. Long story short, I got a job as a customer service rep in May of 2000. Before a year had passed, I had been accepted into the Supervisor in Training program and was offered a permanent supervisor position. I thought I was rich! 19 years old making about $40K! Fast forward a couple of years and I got promoted to manager at the age of 24. I’ve now been a manager for about 8 years. I won’t share how much I make a year, but it’s more than most people I know.

Since I was 18, I was recognized/rewarded for my hard work, dedication, and leadership abilities. I was so proud of my accomplishments. I have allowed myself to be defined by my job title. Actually, not just allowed, insisted that people understood how important I was and what I had accomplished.

When I became pregnant with Kaydriana, so many people asked if I would quit to stay home with her. I guffawed! There was no way I was quitting! I was going to be a successful working mom. I had always wanted to become a parent, but I was “big boss lady” at work, and there wasn’t anything that was going to change that.

Then she came. She changed my world! The first moment she laid on my chest and I just cried with joy. I was a mom. I wasn’t “big boss lady, Kristiana”. I was “mom”. Over the next 3.5 months, I tried to figure out if there was any way that I could possibly stay home and be with her forever. Unfortunately, short of winning the lottery that wasn’t a possibility.

I entered the world of going to work each day, leaving my heart at home. It took a while, but I finally adjusted to the reality that I had to remain in my current position/pay at work to make ends meet. About a year after my return, I found out I was pregnant again. I fully anticipated being able to make some big changes to my career after the birth of our son, because no way could we afford day care ($2310 a month!) for two kids. Turns out, I couldn’t afford not to. But if I thought it was hard leaving Kaydriana for 45+ hours a week, it was doubly hard to leave both kids. My first day back was 10/1/12.  For the past year, I haven’t been home to cook my family dinner or eat with them. I’ve rushed them out the door each morning and within minutes of walking in the door at night, I was putting Lake to sleep. I run a marathon from 530 AM to 830 PM each day, with the majority of that time with not nearly enough sleep.

Now here we are today: Tim has finally reached his goal of working for the city of Bellevue where the pay and the possibilities are much better. With his better pay, and the fact that in one month, we’ll be almost completely out of debt, I get some freedom with my choice of position at work.

I would very much like to be able to go part time, but we’re not quite there yet. However, I am able to take a step down to a supervisor position, which I’ve negotiated with my bosses to become affective in January (Shhhh… this has not been shared with anyone else at work). My pay will be cut by more than half of what I make now, but my responsibilities will be much, much less. I will be able to work just 40 hours a week, take breaks and lunches, leave my work at work, not wake up to anxiety, not have to answer to employees or members, not have to work 12 hour days during the holidays or bad weather, get off earlier, not have to read my work emails at home, not have to come in when I’m sick, and have more quality time with my family. I’ll be home in time to make and eat dinner with my family and not work on the weekends.

For nearly 11 years I had worked so hard to move up as quickly as I could in the company. Now my greatest role and my greatest passion is being a mother to my children. It’s a difficult mindset for me to no longer be the boss, but since making this decision official a few days ago, I feel the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I have a joy and an outlook that I haven’t had since I can remember.

With Tim and I both now having good paying jobs, I know I’m stepping away from financial security, being able to purchase nice clothes, getting my hair done, affording vacations, and spending money freely. But since May 10^th, 2010 my happiness and my fulfillment comes from my role as a wife and mother. Not my job title. We’ll go back to living on a budget, but I know God will provide for us because I finally have my priorities straight J