If I knew then, what I knew now...

You know when you’re a young adult, finally, on your own… before you own a home, are married, have kids, etc? And you think you have it all figured out?

And you are adamant about things you would or would never do. For example, you would never buy a fake tree! Nothing can replace the adventure of cutting down your own tree and your house smelling like fresh pine. And you say things like, “I’ll never be like my mom who loses patience with my kids”. Oh and my favorite, “I’m only getting married once!”.

And then… you grow up.

In my early twenties, I thought I had it all figured out. Love, life, career, and that the future was in my hands, AKA: in my control.   There is this sense of pride that hey! I’m successful, I’m engaged, I’ve made something out of my life and I have all these high standards and I’d pass judgment onto others, often onto those that I loved.

I started to get my, “head out of a$&” when, in the middle of Georgetown, Grand Cayman, I hit one of the lowest lows of my life and went through one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced. That was 2006.

2008, I was madly in love, got married to the love of my life, bought a house and was expecting our first child. 1.2.3. I was doing things in the right order. Then we miscarried.

The next few months my trust in God grew as I could no longer trust my body. I couldn’t heal myself faster, and I couldn’t will myself pregnant. I had to wait and have faith in God.

Eventually those prayers were answered and we entered parenthood. I had a great job that now didn’t fit my desire for well balanced work/family life. It took a long time to realize there are more important things than, “being successful”,  making lots of money to afford nice things and being able to go on nice trips – you know those things that really only matter to those FB “Friends” that don’t really know you anyway?

Entering into this new stage in life leaves me feeling really reflective as I’m finding a new identity. Stepping back at work, which is allowing me to make more time at home with my family is a process. My first two weeks in my new position have gone well, but there are little hurdles that come with no longer being the woman in charge. I have to remind myself that all of those trivial things I’m missing out on don’t matter in comparison to the time (quality time!) I get with my family.

I’ve truly had two of the best work weeks I’ve had in years!

And you know what else? This die-hard real tree lover, is in love with her fake Christmas tree!