5 months and 14 days

Wow, the past 5 months and 14 days has been the best of my life. Becoming a mom - being parents- has been absolutely the best thing I have ever done in my life.


Kaydriana makes everything better. Tim and I have had many firsts in our lives together, but creating new firsts and experiencing Kaydriana's firsts with her has been so fulfilling.


I remember before becoming pregnant that although I was content, I knew there was something so much more meaningful missing. And I've found it. I know my purpose in life.


You hear parents say the love you have for your child is so special... and while I could try to understand it, you really don't until you experience it for yourself. I explain it that I now feel like I am a part of this special club because now I get it. It's an indescribable feeling. But it's also scary. I hate hearing bad things in the news about children- I even cry now because I visualize myself and Kaydriana in some of those stories and I couldn't even fathom...


Its like the saying that a child is like having your heart walk around outside of your body.



Okay so now you know how incredible I feel about being a mom. What I don't like is being a working mom. I really wish I could have known how much being a mom would mean to me that I wished I could have planned my life differently in order to be able to stay home. I want nothing more than to be able to stay home with my baby. I miss her so much while at work. The first day back from my weekend I feel such sadness and tear up on the way to work. It's the worst. However, it is not feasible for me not to work. I always thought, and Tim and I planned, that we would both work and provide our children with a nice home, be able to pay for things they need and want and help them pay for their first cars, take them on vacations, etc. Now that Kaydriana is here and with the plan for one (hopefully two) more I see that it's not all of those things that are important. However, I realized a little too late. I know I'll be the best working mom that I can be, I just wish that we can win the Lotto so I can be a SAHM.