9 Months!

Wow, 9 months already. It’s really hard to wrap my brain around it. I remember giving birth to Kaydriana like it was yesterday. I’m sure I’ll be saying that for the rest of our lives. :) She’s almost been outside of me as long as she was inside-crazy!

Kaydriana no longer seems like a baby to me. I’d consider her more like a toddler. She is becoming so independent- eating with her own little fingers, grunting and reaching to communicate what she wants. She is so mobile and now “furniture walking”. She’s even practiced letting go and standing for a moment. Today I took her to her 9-Month appt. I was sad to hear she has lost weight or didn’t gain any weight (can’t recall) since 6 months. She is eating a lot more, but is also a lot more mobile so I heeded the Drs advice and got her a bunch of new “big kid foods”. Instead of waiting for her 1 yr appt we have to go back in a month for a weight check. I don’t feel like a failure as a mother, just saddened that I’ve let my baby down. Nutrition is so so important at this age for her development and when her dr said it was like she was on a diet I was heart broken. Thankfully she’s a very happy baby and momma and dadda will be sure she is satisfied at every meal!

Sunday was her dedication ceremony. Counting everybody that was there, it was 32 family members and friends that came. I printed one of the group photos and its on my desk at work. It will be my reminder how truly blessed Tim, Kaydriana and I are. My Aunt and Uncle hosted lunch at their house and about 2/3rds of the group came. We ended the lunch with a nice conversation between me, Danielle, Grandma and Aunt Ann. I left feeling so warm and fulfilled – the type of feeling that you only get from the love of family, friends and God. And it didn’t hurt that the Steelers lost the Superbowl :)

As for Tim and I, we’ve certainly adjusted to being parents. Tim is still home with her and it’s funny how I find myself asking what her routine is on my days off. When I was on leave with her, it was all me. Now Tim calls the shots. And I’ve gotta tell ya, it’s been so nice being able to lay her down for a nap and barely a peep comes out of her. That’s all daddy’s doing. Tim is still searching for a full time position. He had an interview for a position, but it wouldn’t have even paid for daycare so that’s not a viable option. Meanwhile, I’m plugging away work 9-11 hr days. Thankfully most days I can coordinate my lunch to be able to come home and feed Kaydriana. The last two nights have been hard because I haven’t been able to and I miss our bedtime routine since I’m working 2-11pm this week.

All in all, the past 9 months has been the best of my life. Even with it’s ups and downs, Kaydriana has made everything worth while, more special, and more meaningful.

Connection

Christmas day is always so hectic, but I wanted to make sure I took the time to reflect on what Christmas means and specifically what it means to me. So the weeks leading up to Christmas I would use my 10 minute commute to and from work (40 min total since I go home to feed Kaydriana during lunch) to listen to Christmas music and praise God and thank Him for giving us His Son and blessing me and my family.
I heard Faith Hills, "A Baby Changes Everything" song. For the first time in my life I really felt a connection to Mary. Now that I have a baby, when I heard those lyrics (and Mary Did You Know and another one that I heard for the first time this year) I picture Kaydriana. No, I'm not comparing her to Jesus-but I picture Mary holding her son, her sweet baby boy who needs his mom to take care of him, love him, teach him, etc. Mary knew her son was something extra special. What an amazing feeling to be a mom-could you imagine the love and pride and joy she felt as he grew and learned new milestones? What kind of boy was he? How did she entertain him? What games did they play? Did he cry when he was hungry? Did Mary grow weary when Jesus was up all night teething? What have I experienced being a new mommy that Mary did as well?
Being a mom has connected me to millions and millions of mothers all over the world and throughout history. I've never felt this type of connectivity before. I'm thankful for the opportunity for this insight.

Moving on to Christmas... as I mentioned Christmas is hectic. Christmas Eve, I cooked the "Costco Turkey" along with some side dishes and my mom brought my little sister and brother over along with "Aunt Norma's Potatos". My older brother was spending the evening with his girlfriend and her family. We opened presents and watched some of the old claymation classics like Rudolph the Rednosed Reigndeer. We ate so much (and fast!) that we didn't end up eating the berry pie my mom brought.
Christmas day, Kaydriana (our little alarm clock) woke us up about 615am. I fed her and then went downstairs to see what Santa brought her. I'd like to say her eyes lit up and a smile grew on her face, but it really wasn't all that exciting to her. Tim put her on her big "Santa gift" which was a giraffe and I took pictures of her. Then we sat around her to open presents and she'd get fixated on a piece of paper she'd have in her hand. She protested when we would remove the paper and try to get her to open her next gift. Meanwhile, Griffey squeeked his new toys and kept trying to be in the mix with us while we opened our gifts.
After our intimate family time, we packed up and headed to Tim's parents where on the way we learned that our niece, Anna was in the emergency room. The Drs still aren't sure whats going on, but she did make it to Nana and Papas for Christmas dinner and presents. After about 20 minutes I took Kaydriana and we headed to my Aunts house so we could say hi to everyone for a moment then went back to Tims parents to finish the evening. I also got to talk with my dad and step mom, my sister and my niece in MI. I don't usually have a lot of time to talk on the phone, so at least car rides allow me the opportunity for calls to my family.
Although nothing spectacular happened per se, I'd have to say it was one of the nicest and memorable Christmas's I've ever had... A baby changes everything is right!

Our baby is not such a baby anymore!

Oh man, our lil poo bear is not a baby anymore! Ever since she hit 6 months old, she has transitioned from being a baby to becoming a toddler. She got her first tooth (now has two), started to do the splits thing that eventually turned into her learning how to sit on her own, can pick up cereal and place it in her mouth, started crawling, and two days ago used the shelf in the fridge to stand herself up.
What happened to my stationary little bug? She is already 7 months old and before I know it she'll be 1 going on 18.
Kaydriana has had a rough time with teething. She gets very whiny and sometimes downright unconsolable. We now go about 2-3 nights a week where she wakes up crying. Many times she'll get herself back to sleep but other nights only loves from mommy or daddy will get her back to sleep.
This week has been extremely rough! I went away last weekend for my 30th birthday to Vegas. It was hard being away from Kaydriana that long, but I had fun. The last day I regretted booking an afternoon flight. I should have booked the first flight home. When I got home I did not want to let her go and I think maybe she felt the same way. That night and the next two she didn't want to sleep and I was forced to try to function with only 4 hours of sleep for three days. Last night I finally got about 6 hours, THANK GOD! I'm still exhausted, but at least not dizzy feeling. (I turned into a wall on Tuesday after making a very firm statement to an employee... I'm sure my authoratitive tone was lost once I looked like a goober).
I'm off the next two days and while I should probably come into work for a few hours I really think that I deserve some me time with my baby. Daddy is going snowboarding all day tomorrow and as a family we have a wedding and a dinner to attend on Saturday.
Okay, so now I'm just rambling. My point of all this is my baby is growing up so fast and I feel like I missing some of it. I want to capture every moment and not let any slip by. No more weekend trips for me for a long time!

We Survived!! (I think)

Oh boy! If someone would have told me what this past week would hold, I would have said I wouldn't know how to deal with it. But we did it!
We experienced Kaydriana's first cold. It wasn't too bad. For the most part she was in good spirits. But then she gave it to daddy, which eventually passed on to me. Having two sick parents taking care of a sick baby is not a good combination. To make matters more interesting, she got her first tooth and her first minor ear ache. Poor baby.
Tim and I start to feel a bit better and I decide that I cannot live with my ingrown toenail any longer and get it removed.
Hichi momma did that hurt!!! I regret doing it. It's been 6 days and I'm still in pain. I haven't been able to wear normal shoes. The Monday after the procedure, I had ran out of vicodin. I had gone back to the dr that morning because I was in so much pain and my toe looked infected. Tim had to drive me because I couldn't. Well, earlier that morning Tim threw up- we still don't know why. After he picked me up from the dr, I was hoping to pick up my refill of pain meds. But Tim felt so sick that he just wanted to rush home. As soon as he walked in the door he threw up. Yuck!
So here I am, not able to drive - in a lot of pain and Tim can't drive because he is so sick. I had to be at work at 2pm! I emailed my boss to say that I'm in a predicament and she came to my rescue. She got me my prescription and I was able to get to work. Tim started feeling well enough to watch Kaydriana on his own for the rest of the day.
Phew! What a trying week!

Adjusting...

I write this today in the midst of some major life adjustments.
I went back to work 7 weeks ago and it's been hard. I've been self minded about how I'm dealing with missing Kaydriana and getting back into the groove of having to use my brain, deal with escalated situations and handle personnel issues. Every moment of every day I'm doing something. If I'm at my desk - I'm working (well mostly ;) ) if I'm not, I'm pumping or cleaning my pumping equipment, or running home to feed Kaydriana, changing her, loving on her, playing with her, paying bills, trying to scarf food and maybe if I'm lucky I might get about an hour to sit and relax and watch TV or get on the computer before bed and doing it all over again.
I knew all of this would happen and now I'm used to it. But I wasn't really focused on how this is all affecting Tim. The love of my life who is a wonderful father is staying home with Kaydriana.
The weather has changed so daddy can't always go on walks when he wants to get out of the house and running errands with Kaydri can be hard in weather like this. I know he gets bored and he is looking for a full time job. He's used to working, which he enjoys. I know he would much rather be working than at home every day. He was dropping Kaydri off at his parents once a week so he can go to the gym or golf, but they are currently in AZ so he doesn't really get a break.
So we're both going through the same thing in a sense.
The funny thing is, we wished the rolls were reversed. I'd love nothing more than to be in his position and he in mine. We'd both be happier... God knows what He is doing in our lives, I just pray that we can get through this with grace and be able to look back at how precious these memories of our young family are.
Building our family is what I've always wanted and I knew not everything was going to be rainbows and gum drops. I still love every moment of being a mommy and a wife and I know God will continue to bless us. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.

5 months and 14 days

Wow, the past 5 months and 14 days has been the best of my life. Becoming a mom - being parents- has been absolutely the best thing I have ever done in my life.


Kaydriana makes everything better. Tim and I have had many firsts in our lives together, but creating new firsts and experiencing Kaydriana's firsts with her has been so fulfilling.


I remember before becoming pregnant that although I was content, I knew there was something so much more meaningful missing. And I've found it. I know my purpose in life.


You hear parents say the love you have for your child is so special... and while I could try to understand it, you really don't until you experience it for yourself. I explain it that I now feel like I am a part of this special club because now I get it. It's an indescribable feeling. But it's also scary. I hate hearing bad things in the news about children- I even cry now because I visualize myself and Kaydriana in some of those stories and I couldn't even fathom...


Its like the saying that a child is like having your heart walk around outside of your body.



Okay so now you know how incredible I feel about being a mom. What I don't like is being a working mom. I really wish I could have known how much being a mom would mean to me that I wished I could have planned my life differently in order to be able to stay home. I want nothing more than to be able to stay home with my baby. I miss her so much while at work. The first day back from my weekend I feel such sadness and tear up on the way to work. It's the worst. However, it is not feasible for me not to work. I always thought, and Tim and I planned, that we would both work and provide our children with a nice home, be able to pay for things they need and want and help them pay for their first cars, take them on vacations, etc. Now that Kaydriana is here and with the plan for one (hopefully two) more I see that it's not all of those things that are important. However, I realized a little too late. I know I'll be the best working mom that I can be, I just wish that we can win the Lotto so I can be a SAHM.

Kaydriana is here!

Mother's Day I was awaken by Tim bearing gifts from him and our unborn daughter. I was bummed that Kaydriana wasn't here before Mother's Day but daddy did a good job surprising me with the new Reebok Easy Tone sneakers and a beautiful Karen Kane dress (that I could wear that day and post pregnancy).
I woke up with period like cramps that went on all day. We had brunch with Tim's family at his sisters and had to ask him to take bumps and turns lightly because they kind of hurt.
After we got home I decided to drive 45 minutes to Marysville to surprise my mom at work. I had some stronger waves of cramps, but I was determined so I made the trek. I got home about 5pm and definitely knew I was feeling contractions, but with as many ups and downs we had over the past few days I didn't want to get too excited. Around 6 I pulled up Contraction Master online and started to time my contractions. They were anywhere from 7-14 minutes a part. I continued to track them, Tim went to bed around 7 and they were getting stronger and closer. I kept telling myself they would stop. At 10 I went to lay in bed to try and sleep. I even set my alarm for work the next morning. In about 20 minutes I had 4 contractions. So I woke up, came down stairs and grabbed my birthing ball. At 11:15 I called Labor and Delivery and told them what I was experiencing. They said if I really wanted to come in I could but if I was doing ok at home I should stay home for as long as I could. So I kept laboring by myself. At 1230am I couldn't do it by myself anymore so I woke Tim up and he did such a great job rubbing my back through my contractions. Finally at 145am I couldn't take it anymore. I called the hospital and told them I was coming.
We get to the hospital and they bring us in the "staging" room where they plan to monitor me for at least an hour before admitting me to see if I'm really that close to labor. I was still only a good 2cm, but because it was a slow night and I was Group B Strep positive they decided to admit me. Tim and I were so relieved!
So we get into our LD room, I'm handling the contractions ok, I've got the birthing ball and leaning over it through contractions. We also walked the halls stopping to use the rails as contractions came.
About 6am the nurse comes in and checks me and I'm about 3cm. She says that I have some decisions to make. I didn't want an epidural until I was 4-5 cm, however the anesthesiologist has a c-section scheduled for 730 so I could either get the epidural before or wait 1.5-2 hours after the c-section. Who knew what I'd be feeling 2 hours from then but I decided to wait until 7am to see how I dilated. At 7 Dr. Graham comes in and I'm 3.5-4cm and she is going to break my water. So I decided to get the epidural.
Then sleep... blissful sleep! I had already been awake for 24 hours. I slept hard for about 2 hours and then dozed through out the day. At 3pm the nurse checks me and I'm about 6-7cm dilated so she thinks it won't be long until I'll get to start pushing. However, they think that Kaydriana is sunny side up, meaning she is not going to be coming out vaginally if she doesn't turn around given her size. Not what I wanted to hear. During this time I'm feeling my contractions and need a top off of my epidural. I'll never forget, we were watching Oprah and a girl got the "Harpo Hook up" and got to meet Justin Timberlake. :) Then it's pushing time. Dr. Graham attempted to turn Kaydriana a bit in hopes that with pushing she'll continue to turn. I start pushing while on my back and I'm really not feeling I'm producing results. About 30-40 min into it I get to lay on my left side. When I start feeling a contraction coming on I grab my right leg, Tim grabs my right foot and I push hard for 10 seconds/3 times during each contraction.
I'm feeling the contractions enough where I have to try and breath through them because they are so painful.
I go back onto my back to finish pushing. Dr Graham comes in and is surprised how well my pushing is going and that Kaydriana is cresting. Tim is taking pictures since I can't see whats going on. Things progress and her head is out and Dr Graham tells me to stop pushing - oh wow was that painful!!! A few moments later Dr Graham says I just have one contraction to push and she'll be out so I push with all of my might and all of sudden a huge feeling of relief as she is taken out of my body. I just see a hand flying and her being taken away. Everything is a whirlwind. I'm crying and shaking and Tim is watching our daughter be wiped off. They bring her over to me, remove the top of my gown and I get to hold her skin to skin. I'm getting teary eyed just reliving that amazing moment. I get to lay there like that for 15 minutes or so while Tim is calling our parents and Dr Graham is stitching me up and working on getting the placenta out.
Kaydriana was born 5:42 PM, 9lbs and 2oz, 21.5 inches long. Over 24 hours of labor and about 1.5 hours of pushing...
Wow is all I can say. Tim says it was the coolest thing he had ever seen. I don't know if labor was what I expected, but becoming parents and meeting Kaydriana was far more amazing than I ever thought possible! We are so in love!